Thursday, February 9, 2017

Umm.. Whatever.. Why I still care about the family

Copy and pasted from a comment I made on Facebook, on the question why I still care. 

People are still having kids, and those kids have a mom and dad. And parents need our support. 
If your boots are on the ground, it’s easier stay committed and even respected by others. 

When gay marriage became legal in Massachusetts, I wasn’t alarmed at all. Seriously, that didn’t alarm me. Knowing a bit of the law, I took it more with a sense of humor and joked with others, “You know you can marry your cousin in Massachusetts.”
Now this is what alarmed me, a lot. The propaganda to silence dissent. It’s creepy and strange, in fact bizarre how everything has become over the past 15 years. I thought I was liberal, in fact maybe I was or still am. Most people were understandable of the potential legal benefits/protections, for relationships that didn’t fall in the older defined view of marriage. I am still this day, and I think most people who even disagree with gay marriage (or just marriage, or maybe nothing because nothing because only the affluent enough to afford a 50k wedding get married) are. But we don’t speak up. It’s an odd fear, that I still have to this day. I have a pit in my stomach, how I will upset people with this response. 
I keep reviewing my point of view, questioning myself. I still hold as a matter of public policy and meaning, that we should treat different types of relationships as different, because they are different. Difference and different needs are OK to acknowledge. One moment I am being preached the importance of diversity, and then I am being lectured that there are no differences in relationships in the name of equality. 
That’s my response I guess now a days. I am not trying to be flippant. I didn’t fall for it back, then and now I guess I go to my grave in the most charitable way, explaining that individuals have a mom and dad, the relationship between a mom and dad matters for an individual’s well-being. 
Remind you back in 2000 in Massachusetts I had to take a blood test for prenatal conditions BEFORE I could get my marriage license. That’s right in Massachusetts. Yet, I was being told in propaganda children had nothing to do with marriage, despite the assumption of paternity of my husband being the father according to state law. The law and precedence was there, even in Massachusetts. Amazingly the lobby erased that. It’s all about money, but what isn’t. 
But it was easy for the lobby, because we already allowed third party sperm donation in this state. Legally with no recourse, a man who was NOT the father could be on the child’s birth certificate and no one could challenge it. This is unlike a married woman have a child with a man who was NOT the husband, the biological father had standing. This is unlike an adoption, in which there is an original birth certificate. But this was before easy access to DNA testing, no secrets now. The law or the propaganda wants us to be silent on, and the best technique was shame. Shame. Shame! Shame!! Shame!!!
Ummm… Whatever… 

As of now, so many of my friends and acquaintances are separating/divorcing with kids. I am just trying to hold it together and walk with it. 
In the meantime on the public policy front, and fatherhood programs/nurturing parenting programs are much needed. What I am seeing in DCF is parents who love their kids, but don’t know how to parent. I think we need foster parents for the parents.


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