Monday, February 1, 2016

The Boston Globe reporting of the family

This Boston Globe article is the reason why I never changed my views on family and public policy. It isn't a religious issue, despite why the corporate/media/lobby propaganda machine feeds you.  

 The few times I was in probate for a divorce proceeding as an active attorney, I saw sadness. It was one of the sadness places I've ever been. Sadder then a funeral, because at least you can look upon memories of a deceased in a positive light. But hard to look upon memories of a broken marriage in the same view. 

Recently in conversations with an attorney, who does divorce, stated that people will fight over money. That's what we are here for, division of assets/time with children, and that's that. The law can not heal or make peace with the past relationship. It's just law. 

I have to be very clear that I'm not pinpointing on anyone's past marriage/relationship, it's a collective problem. I'm not suggesting that every marriage or mother and father MUST stay together, there will always be circumstances that people should separate. It's the rate, that this is occurring The rate! 

I'm at the tipping point where I know more couples separated and children with parents that are not together, then families that are. 

From the article
"The Massachusetts Probate and Family Court was once focused primarily on the administration of wills and other touchy but routine civil matters. But as divorces became more common, the courts began to hear thousands of them annually. The cases run the gamut, from ordinary splits to families torn apart by drugs to hotly contested disputes between parents who sometimes barely know one another. Between 50 and 75 percent of probate and family court litigants don’t have attorneys, and many come to court without documentation to back up the claims they make. Some skip drug tests. Some beg. Some lie."

The article is actually about DCF and the difficult situations the judge and DCF have in determining by the evidence if there is neglect/abuse.

The family, the poor family is in really bad shape. If you're lucky, as I was, I grew up with a perimeter that kept me away from a lot of divorce/conflict of others. Barriers are down, and I volunteer at DCF where all the social capital has been depleted for these children.  

A few weeks ago I talked about a job interview, that I declined in regards to parental visitation.

Why make the non-custodial parent pay upwards of 60 dollars an hour to see his/her own child for three hours in an environment that is not personal or that entertaining? Under this position, I wasn't even able to be a parental guide and assist in parenting. I just had to sit an observe. Can you imagine any parent, who hadn't seen his/her child in some time would probably be very anxious and would like some support on what to do? But no. I couldn't say a thing, I could only intervene if it was 'unsafe'. We couldn't go outside if the weather was nice or go to one of the child's extra curricular activities. Safety is an important thing, but hanging out in a well supplied room of toys (a foreign place to both parent & child) doesn't create needed bonds for both child and parent. 
Mom and dad, your past relationship might have been like oil and water, but find a neutral third party (extended family member) and save yourself and you child the less then wonderful experience of supervised visits.

It's broken. The courts wouldn't be so weighed down, if the families were not so broken and parents unable to work it out without the government playing referee

It's a total mess.

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