Friday, February 26, 2016

I rarely snap, but when I do it's because I really think it was warranted.

Jesus didn't put up with crap and sometimes the Pope can be stern and upset with people's actions. So if you push me, I'll forgive you. If you push me twice, I'm apologize for being upset and stern, because I really don't desire to shovel the crap you attempted to give me. If you push me a third time, you're just asking for it. No one's perfect and I always take the side that there's miscommunication, but some people. 

Some people....

Well some people just relish being a cocky jerk. They think they're being smart or intelligent. They're just being a Trump wannabe. They are not there to weed out differences and find common ground. 


Tried to engage with a person about family public policy, it's a deal breaker for me when voting. It was a nice conversation about one's conscious and even voting a blank ballot if needed. I wasn't looking to get into a pissing contest. 

Of course someone wants to come in all in Social Justice Warrior mode with their 1% backed lobby talking points, that a discussion about family stability is someone damning people to hell imposing their religion. OK, pause think about that. That's really nuts. But well, most if people think that way now a days. Or maybe you're agree with me, but you don't need to be unfriends and harassed falsely as a ignorant person. Or maybe you disagree, but we can discuss real and practical talking points like people did before social media. 

But well you just scroll along. I get it. I understand.  

Friday, February 19, 2016

Renee, any regrets with your blog?


I miss the days when there was a more open discussion and civil (even enjoyable challenging) disagreement, even teasing. If the teasing got out of hand, one could just politely inform that person without getting upset.

We live in a world where we assume the worst in someone.

Random thought on a question a family member asked.

Tuesday, February 16, 2016

(Part 2) NSFW Commentary on the personal ads on Craig's List

Part 1 here

In my first part I didn't talk about women seeking women, because men posting crotch pictures is too much in one viewing. Again, not surprised just sad. I can only take so much pathetic sexual sadness each day, and lonely horny guys posting pictures of their exposed genitalia creates a lot of sadness in me I guess.

For the sincere posts for women seeking women, again it was more of the "why not" type of posting.

There was also a lot of fraudulent click-bait, usually with a picture of pornographic nature to lure men to.

There seems to be an exploitation of young femme lesbians, that they are some sort of sexual freaks for the pleasures of others,

 There were a lot of disclaimers asking for NO MEN and NO COUPLES (heterosexual), if a young lesbian woman describe herself in anyway as being femme she must be flooded with inquiries.Think about all the girl on girl pornography to entertain men that now exists.

There is also something quite upsetting about the couples, it's bad enough that a husband treats a wife poorly, but then wants a concubine of sorts to the mix. The couple advertisements are creepy, just as creepy as a men seeking men type ads. Some couples kept insisting how normal they really were. Another couple, written by the wife I assume spent most of the personal ad talking about what she looked like, and the concubine (that's what they are really looking for!) had to be specific measurements. Specifically she really couldn't be too pretty, but they wanted someone who was pretty and educated.

Essentially, your husband wants to cheat on you with a younger woman, but somehow this is will be OK if you are in the room and probably get some action out of it too again for your husband's pleasure. Sure she may not live with the couple, but she's expected to put out on "date nights"


Monday, February 15, 2016

"On this Day" How to Save Marriage in America.

Facebook from two years ago...

NSFW Commentary on the personal ads on Craig's List

So I've been looking for work, on Craig's List and other sites. And well, I got tempted with curiosity about the personal ads on Craig's List. Being on the other side, married at home with children, yes I wonder what it would be like as one of my peers.

There were very few "women looking for men", mostly women my age, maybe even traveling in the area. Most really didn't sound that desperate, rather more of the 'why not' type of attitude. It doesn't hurt to at least post something. I felt the expectations were not realistic, but you know what? It doesn't hurt to say what you want!

There was definition more men looking for women, and some were sincere and others were creepy in my eyes. Again more of the "why not" and it doesn't hurt to ask.



I peaked into the "men looking for men"

I wan't surprised, but disappointed. OK. Yes, all the sexual cliches and stereotypes about homosexual behavior. Looking for a hook up, usually desiring some sort domineering/submissive act. Of course,the person making the request he is unable to 'host' . Even willing to meet up in public, despite trying to be discreet.

I will make the presumption, that many of these men are not even gay. They aren't closeted gays, either. 

The postings were much more numerous then the heterosexual personal ads. Ads very open with the pictures of one's penis. (Yes, this why I'm putting the NSFW on this.)

Thinking at a level of public and emotional health, it was sad to ponder on these personal inquiries. Some were open about the fact they were married fathers, and more worrisome were younger men willing to submit to older men.

This isn't a judgement of homosexual orientation or even gay relationships, because there is a void of anything emotional in these postings. This is a judgment of behavior.

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

The Building and Maintenance of Trust

For Cliff

Follow up to The Lost of Trust 

If I had to pinpoint the breakdown of the family or any institution for that matter, it would be the lost of trust.

There is a lost of trust, as we see in our primary election. The options of the outsiders though seems undesirable. Slim pickings.

So how do we rebuild and maintain such trust. Trust can so easily be lost, it's fragile.

Last night I was visiting a private high school, the principal spoke of their policy of "no locks on the lockers". Now this is a rather small high school and selective, and there is little access to the public to the school.

"no locks on the lockers"

The students have to trust one another.


I grew up with lockers, since the 4th grade. Quite young at the time, but do to the shift of school populations my grade was placed in a building designed to be a Jr High. It's now a middle school, serving grades 5th-8th. Living in the dormitories in college, trust no one. Trust no one. Rightfully so, especially in the UMass system 20 years ago.

Living in Lowell, we of course lock our doors, even with security alarms as a precaution.

Not every institution can have such an opportunity to trust one another, and this is a rare situation where it can be done.

Ideally this ability to form and maintain trust should exist in our homes. But does it happen? 

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

7QT Regrets of a Stay at Home Mother

More Quick Takes at "This Ain't The Lyceum"

1. Don't try to make me feel good telling me that being a mother is the MOST important job in the word.  It isn't a job, it's a vocation.

2. Was it really a choice? Well, it was a choice of our to have more then two children. It made economical sense due to costs of daycare. Would I ever been a stay at home mom if I just had two children? No way. I worked with two children, and probably would of moved on with a legal career if I wasn't so open to have move children. My choice to have more children is the determining factor, not wanting to be a stay at home mother.

3. I couldn't have fore tell the fall out of the economy. I feel quite trapped, that I may never be able to reboot myself in the working world. Too over qualified, but no paid working experience.

4. Volunteering is different then working. Even on a resume. Even when you had obligations in your volunteering role. Volunteering is giving your time and skill with no expectation in return. I would be volunteering, even if I was working.

Working... You expect something.

5.  I've been on several interviews, but never the right fit. Sometimes the offer was just embarrassing (sorry, it was) or there was a better qualified candidate. I'm sure employers get dozens of resumes, glad to make the cut with an interview.

6. If I was still having children, I wouldn't be writing this. Right now all of my children are in school. There were a few hic-cups, because the youngest had development needs that made our schedule less routine. Ideally I should have been looking for work a few years ago, but time wise I couldn't manage it.

7. Now I can manage it. I would like to work. Even have a career.

Monday, February 1, 2016

The Boston Globe reporting of the family

This Boston Globe article is the reason why I never changed my views on family and public policy. It isn't a religious issue, despite why the corporate/media/lobby propaganda machine feeds you.  

 The few times I was in probate for a divorce proceeding as an active attorney, I saw sadness. It was one of the sadness places I've ever been. Sadder then a funeral, because at least you can look upon memories of a deceased in a positive light. But hard to look upon memories of a broken marriage in the same view. 

Recently in conversations with an attorney, who does divorce, stated that people will fight over money. That's what we are here for, division of assets/time with children, and that's that. The law can not heal or make peace with the past relationship. It's just law. 

I have to be very clear that I'm not pinpointing on anyone's past marriage/relationship, it's a collective problem. I'm not suggesting that every marriage or mother and father MUST stay together, there will always be circumstances that people should separate. It's the rate, that this is occurring The rate! 

I'm at the tipping point where I know more couples separated and children with parents that are not together, then families that are. 

From the article
"The Massachusetts Probate and Family Court was once focused primarily on the administration of wills and other touchy but routine civil matters. But as divorces became more common, the courts began to hear thousands of them annually. The cases run the gamut, from ordinary splits to families torn apart by drugs to hotly contested disputes between parents who sometimes barely know one another. Between 50 and 75 percent of probate and family court litigants don’t have attorneys, and many come to court without documentation to back up the claims they make. Some skip drug tests. Some beg. Some lie."

The article is actually about DCF and the difficult situations the judge and DCF have in determining by the evidence if there is neglect/abuse.

The family, the poor family is in really bad shape. If you're lucky, as I was, I grew up with a perimeter that kept me away from a lot of divorce/conflict of others. Barriers are down, and I volunteer at DCF where all the social capital has been depleted for these children.  

A few weeks ago I talked about a job interview, that I declined in regards to parental visitation.

Why make the non-custodial parent pay upwards of 60 dollars an hour to see his/her own child for three hours in an environment that is not personal or that entertaining? Under this position, I wasn't even able to be a parental guide and assist in parenting. I just had to sit an observe. Can you imagine any parent, who hadn't seen his/her child in some time would probably be very anxious and would like some support on what to do? But no. I couldn't say a thing, I could only intervene if it was 'unsafe'. We couldn't go outside if the weather was nice or go to one of the child's extra curricular activities. Safety is an important thing, but hanging out in a well supplied room of toys (a foreign place to both parent & child) doesn't create needed bonds for both child and parent. 
Mom and dad, your past relationship might have been like oil and water, but find a neutral third party (extended family member) and save yourself and you child the less then wonderful experience of supervised visits.

It's broken. The courts wouldn't be so weighed down, if the families were not so broken and parents unable to work it out without the government playing referee

It's a total mess.