Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Watershed moment in the Culture Wars

From Facebook....

Watershed moment in the Culture Wars

I wish I could just post cute picks of dogs and kids, but social media is also about discussions, the same way we use to talk about politics at the dinner table or with friends 25 years ago. So yes, I’m writing this and posting it publicly.

Now that’s it has been confirmed that Pope Francis has met with Kim Davis (reported by the New York Times/Rome Reports), I’m your Kim Davis. I think you all know that by now. Every time I saw any one posted/shared/liked something that vilified Kim Davis, I said a prayer for her, you, and myself. I knew I couldn’t of done what she did, and I would made a different argument in my defense of marriage, but everyone I have to say I’m was very upset how you participated in the nasty bullying of this woman.

It wasn’t direct, it was passive. You didn’t create that nasty meme or wrote that mocking status update, you just shared and liked it. I said a prayer. But I did it with frustration and anger. Are you happy you made her, in this digital age, a martyr? Haven’t you read the lives of Saints, the most remarkable ones were the sinners (the hot messes).  And that is what draws me to Christ.

Back in June when everyone decided have their rainbow profiles, sponsored by Facebook, I spoke up on the logical conflicts that many of you in rainbow had a married mother and father. I shared a story of a teenager who loved her moms (bio mom & paternal aunt), but wanted her uncle (really her bio father) to be a dad. I also clearly acknowledge in fact there are many well-intended and just things I in fact agreed upon with everyone.  In the course of the conversation, I had to use strong language to defend myself from a false accusation of bigotry. For the most part the rainbow profiles I shrugged off as a fad, everyone wanted to be a part of love, equality, and whatever the 1% social media landowners markets to us serfs.

The person who called me a loser, eventually unfriended me on Facebook, even though we are acquaintances with mutual friends and interests at a local level. Again I used language I try to avoid, but yes I called her phony and I don’t regret that.  If you try to shove me up against the lockers for brownie points to be cool with the media and political idols, I have to punch back only as a last resort. I try to avoid cat fights, local friends know that.

 I should say though, it’s wrong in conversation to use personalized name calling. So I should regret it that, but right now I’m not there. Again I’m angry and frustrated, forgive me. But I won’t regret arguing against fraudulent claim.

I live in a society, that even I teach my children that “even gay kids have a mom & dad”, they can easily face ridicule by some social justice warrior who wants to be them in their place, in which I’m now have to instruct  them be stay quite on the subject in public. Remember when everyone went hysterical with “Who am I to judge?”, but if anyone actually read the transcript it was the Pope being critical of the gay lobby.

Yes, I have and will still be holding my views strongly on the understanding and support of the family. Cracks can occur with family disruption, but with enough social supports the foundation can be mended and rebuilt. The problem is in so many situations for children, their foundation has completely crumbled.

Now does anyone want to talk public policy, because President Obama had some great legislation back in 2007 on responsible fatherhood and marriage?

I’m also in disbelief that so many Catholics can’t accept that the Pope met with Kim Davis.

I’m your Kim Davis.

Friday, September 18, 2015

7QT It's OK to say this stinks. Right?

More Quick Links over at This Ain't The Lyceum

I'm angry. And this is picture  of a table I gently put to its side last June. 

1. Ever wanted to say something uncharitable, because that person deserved it, but didn't. You didn't because you knew it would not of helped, but you felt it. I happy, I didn't. But so help me, God! I could of dished it out times three and unneedingly ripped that person apart. 

Thanks for the help, God. 

2. #1 is about this post earlier this week. "

"Quirky observation in Lowell, and the conversation that went down hill from it."

4. Can't finished. Why? I left the gas cap to the van at a gas station 25 minutes away. Easier to just get a replacement. And other minors road blocks that prevent regular function. 

Monday, September 14, 2015

Quirky observation in Lowell, and the conversation that went down hill from it.

I'm active on Facebook, and I belong to a closed forum about things Lowell. Initially it was open, but I believe accidentally closed and the settings can not be under from my understanding.

I was sitting in traffic at Bridge and the VFW, when my seven year old son became upset that two people were 'breaking the law' in the Dunkin Donuts parking lot. Two people were making out/kissing and being very handsy. Eleven year old visibly upset with disgust, "It's Dunkin Donuts, not the Eiffel Tower." Seven year old more worried that they were going to get run over by a car. .... ‪#‎Lowell‬ There's lot to like.

This post was about blocking traffic in the Dunkins Donuts parking lot of one of the most busiest intersections of the city and Dunkin Donuts not necessarily are expectant place for lovers.

What I got was an earful that I'm a prude, and my children have a distorted view of sex. I was told to move back to Chelmsford, and I was a hateful negative person, implying that (I, as an adult) kissing should be illegal. It was clear that two female city residents were in "Queen Bee & Wanna Bee" mode or working on their audition video for the Bad Girls Club, I get it I'm an easy target for this type of mean girl behavior. The problem is we're not in middle school, we're adults.

These two female city neighbors had previously got very upset and personal with me online, when I have to call the police for a party with binge drinking held on a vacant foreclosed home adjacent to my property. They made slight passive aggressive references to that thread, and when I was dismayed by their total misrepresentation of my posting I asked,

(Me) No one remembers the Princess Bride... Do they?

(Local Troll #1*) I do... But what does it have to do with this? I love to be enlightened! (with winking emotioncon)

(Me) The Grandson: They’re kissing again. Do we have to read the kissing parts?  with link tot he movie

I normally would not reference someone as a troll, but this was her response to quoting the Princess Bride.

 Ok... So...? I don't know Renee Aste... This just seems to be a hateful, negative post about Lowell. I see you're from Chelmsford and that's great. Maybe you should stay there before your kids end up kissing in parking lots  #Lowell is my home. There is a lot to LOVE about #Lowell. I'm sorry you can't open your eyes and your soul to see it.

How do I respond? With a google search with a reference that boys do not like seeing people kiss, and not only  is it normal, it's a universal view boys have.


They were looking for a catfight, but instead we ended up with an article about aphrodisiacs.  I did some researching, because who really thinks of donuts as being romantic?
Yep, Dunkin Donuts can be romantic as the Eiffel Tower. " In one of his studies, he looked at the effects of 30 different scents on the sexual arousal of 31 male volunteers (yes, you read that correctly). He found that the scent causing the highest level of arousal was a combination of lavender and pumpkin pie. Doughnut and black licorice came in second, and the combination of doughnut and pumpkin pie came in third. "

No response, except another female participate piling on telling I had no business posting such things on the forum.

Be careful who you offer a pumpkin donut too, you may be giving them the wrong message!

Thursday, September 10, 2015

7QT If marriage is obsolete then what?

More Quick Takes at This Ain't the Lyceum 


We already know that marriage has been considered obsolete (Pew Study 2010, use of old term), and young adults are at a lost having seen their own parents break up and financially unable to become independent enough to live on their own even as single individuals.

From Facebook (This was mostly liked by y friends who are divorced/single parents. Because it's not about judgment, it's about acknowledging this is a problem!) 
Pubic Policy friendly (but hits too close to home): As you know just as parents don't baby sit, they don't visit their own children. They parent (verb), because they're parents. This hopefully may prevent sometimes the guilt/power struggle that may happen when parents are no longer a couple. My husband and I just don't experience this, it just so hard at least from my point of view to get a handle of things we take for granted. There are times where nothing is planned for our weekend. We did NOTHING this weekend. A rarity, sometimes our children are so busy with activities we are nothing but chauffeurs, sitting around just waiting for a chess tournament to wrap up or a text to be picked up. I know I repeating the situation of the boy we know, who never attended a birthday party, because of 'dad time'. My children know of classmates who have to get their homework done 'real quick' because they have to go over to their other parent's house. In the recent movie, Jurassic World the two boys discuss the possible divorce of their parents. The older brother consoles the younger saying, but you will get 'two of everything' like all of friends. (not always, if your parents are not affluent) And the younger brother cries, but "I don't want two of everything". As State Rep. Colleen Garrynotes in the article, we have a long way to go.
And if you attempt to get married as a low-income couple, you will be penalized up to 32%

The future of marriage is of concern not just due to nostalgia for the “good old days.” Analysts on both the left and the right believe that, all things being equal, getting and staying married is the most effective way to avoid poverty and the best way to raise children. For example, research by a team of economists from Harvard and the University of California at Berkeley suggests the fraction of children in single-parent families is the strongest and most robust predictor of upward mobility – even more than minority-group affiliation.
However, all things are rarely equal. A heavy-handed effort to promote marriage would not be in the best interests of many couples or their children. A strong marriage-promotion policy could be offensive to couples who do not wish to marry or can’t do so. It also could be offensive to those who advocate women’s complete economic freedom from men. Moreover, a serious attempt at such social engineering could cause a host of unintended consequences and some serious mischief. (Bold is all my emphasis)
Point taken from the bold, government can protect/promote stable families (old form marriage), but it really can't create it by decree. Duh. We know that. Functional societies rely on functional homes that can relatively run on their own without little interference from the government, whether it be a consistent need for subsidies to offset lost/or the back log of custody battles. . What the government recognizes and what it doesn't, doesn't change what actually is needed.

"Because even if you can't call it marriage, the state will always have the interest in a child being raised by biological kin in a stable environment. It will be costly and disruptive for the child, if parents do not vow as husband and wife to be married or whatever we will call it"

It isn't as much as there is bad law, but how this bad law can be used to shut down any cultural redirection without the fear of a scandalous accusation of bigotry/discrimination. We're lost with broken sails and a anchor stuck in the mud.

What can happen if you try to say something?

If an individual or organization implies or acknowledges a child has a right to their mom and dad, and we should do more make the distinctions to help these relationships for the sake of their offspring, well at a minimum your friends will snub you or be somewhat passive aggressive. If you pull a Kim Davis, you can fall into a trap of being a national spectacle. I don't agree with what she did, but well the media and gay lobby were no better. The local news in Boston highlighting that a gay couple from San Francisco getting a marriage license Rowan County Kentucky means this is all just a circus side show distraction. Meanwhile everyone takes pride being on 'the right side' with lots of sharing and lots of likes, saying how stupid those marriage/Christian people are. Yay, I'm so glad that Internet Meme you shared got 50 likes, so you can feel good about yourself being liked!

Maybe I should of labeled it what not to do?

What should we do?

If working on your own marriage, trying to keep it together when as everything is going to pot. It's going to pot, people. Really. Has been for a while. Help out those in need, no really.Be with those who are in need. Unless you live in a rural community, but if you have to commute to help needy people then maybe you're just isolating yourself how bad things really are. Read my progressives in suburbia post. 
Oh so don't get me on the suburban pleastantvilles that all have three car garages and a mom & dad, boast proudly for gay marriage, but there isn't barely a poor person/fatherless child, except for the poor exwife clinging onto the marital home she can't really afford even with the alimony check/child support. 
Let it go lady, get a condo. It's the pension, not the home you should have taken.

I got really grumpy. I blame of hypocrisy of the my Facebook News Feeds. Seriously, that's the demographic that upsets me the post. People who throw stones from their cul-de-sacs.


Sometimes you can get someone to rethink their position, it just may take years. we didn't get here over night. 

Honestly we so deep in, we can't even see the light at the end of the tunnel due to all the smoke & mirrors.

And if you want to convince yourself that really this is about homophobia or hate, remember even gay kids have a mom and dad. And I'm more concerned about that kid's well-being, then you are.

Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Talking to your children about sex is the easy part and what's missing?

I am going to speak both in a Catholic and non-Catholic point of view. 

When I volunteer at DCF I asked one of the social workers privately, "When you do respect the sexual decisions of a teenager, and when do you pull them aside and say I can't stand by and do nothing. What you are doing is dangerous and you can hurt yourself?" At where is the line where birth control is a responsible decision vs. condoning irresponsible behavior. At what point is the teen so reckless, the immediate remedy is just to fit her with an implant or IUD.

From the Boston Globe, which highlights both Planned Parenthood/Human Right Foundation (which their lobbyist names are absurd considering what they are) along with The Massachusetts Family Institute. 

In many ways there are some things they agree upon. Birds & the Bees. Healthy relationships. But does an eleven year old really need to hear about oral and anal sex in a positive manner? I don't know, even with my own kids who know how babies are made at this age, and think kissing is gross, would just be horrified with this. We have a 'public screen' rule in our home, so there is very little sexually explicit material ever seen. Except, PBS Nature.

While clearly abstinence works and makes the most logical sense until well monogamy (formally known as marriage), preaching abstinence just lacks substance. Explaining about homosexuality in of itself, is fine with a  lot of us "conservatives". Back in the 80s, all I needed to know was that an individual we knew was gay, and that meant he or she prefer companionship of someone of the same sex. Did I really need to know about gay sex? AIDS being an behavior epidemic that was contracted by an action of sharing bodily fluids. Teaching of orientation is different then behavior.

What is educating vs. promoting, especially in terms of health education. Both sides agree with the science and the data collected by the CDC.

What I see is a lot of overlapping of ideas, but addressing for totally two point of views.

"Health statistics show a need for sexuality education for gay and lesbian students. Those students are more likely to engage in risky behaviors that result in pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases, federal findings show. Experts say the students, facing pressure to have heterosexual sex, often have multiple partners and forgo protection.As a result, lesbian and bisexual teens experience twice the risk of unintended pregnancy than their heterosexual peers. And the HIV infection rate is rising rapidly among those between the ages of 13 and 24, particularly among gay youth, according to the CDC; many are unaware that they have been infected and pass on the disease through unprotected anal sex.

In a hyper sexualized world, the young teens most at risk at well the one's who feel awkward. No matter how accepting a society is of homosexuality and all of your friends think it is en vogue to be bisexual, if you really are gay... well you're different and you might try to prove you're not different.

But I disagree with this part...

Landon Callahan, a 17-year-old senior from North Attleboro, recalled being an anxious fifth grader facing gender identity confusion when a school nurse whisked the girls in the class off to watch a video about developing breasts and getting their menstrual periods. An uncertain Callahan was included in the girls’ group, while the boys had gone with the gym teacher for a separate puberty discussion.
“I felt super uncomfortable and nervous because I did not feel like any of that should be happening to me,” said Callahan, who transitioned to male after battling severe depression his freshman year of high school. If sex education were more inclusive from an early age, he said, “being transgender wouldn’t be as much of this taboo thing.”

I'm very sympathetic, yet would inclusion at this age really help, especially if we are talking about sanitary issues regarding menstruation.  Maybe hearing about oral and anal sex as being normal would make me very depressed as a eleven year old?

What missing? 

Talk about pornography addiction, since the availability is so readily available. 

Talk about older children harming younger children. Just as we tell young children it's NOT OK to be touch, older children need to be reminded it is NOT OK to touch younger children. 

My experience with DCF make me very well aware that the DUGGARS are not an isolated case. 


Progressive opinions in suburbia

Saturday, September 5, 2015

"Shove it"

What if I could just tell people to "shove it"? 

Posting I said openly on Facebook


We live in a split reality, I can find articles from progressive/liberal outlets expressing concern as if the old definition exists. I have friends who all went to rainbow tinted profiles, who just two weeks earlier boasted about how awesome their father is. The ability to get the most out of your parents full engagement is when mom & dad are in a healthy relationship together (not as friends, living separately) but as a couple. You & I have never had issue with anyone who acknowledged themselves as gay, but now we're have been created as monsters by the SJW multi media. God forbid to mention that bible marriage is based on "honor your mother & father" and civil marriage presumes paternity in good faith , because I grew up with gay kids having a mom & dad. I'm sick of being called crazy/stupid/bigot. What Kim Davis is doing is legally wrong. But it's an act of civil disobedience. And if she has no issue with being jailed, it's probably the most effective way to tell the political elite and the controlled media narrative to SHOVE IT!

We all know marriage is dead, which technically makes this new definition of marriage also dead. 15 years ago researchers noticed if an individual thought marriage was dead, the more likely they were in favor of gay marriage. I prefer to say child focused vs. adult focused or new vs. old definitions, to try to stay out of the culture war banter. In 2010, 40% of Americans thought marriage was dead. It's not a judgment on single parents/or parents trying to coparent as friends, simply life is less complicated with less guilt when a child has mom & dad together. I actually will try to help out separated parents if I have to, because we have to rebuild from somewhere. Simple things like birthday parties/sleepovers, can become difficult. My son has a classmate, who has never gone to birthday parties/sleep overs, because it's dad's weekend. We made an extra attempt to get this boy to my son's birthday, by reaching out. That's great this child sees his dad, but the child is also missing a lot. Mom may not tell dad, or dad may fear looking like a bad parent if he doesn't see his child for half of the weekend. Or maybe dad tries to fill up the schedule with so much stuff out of guilt. I'm married to the father of my kids, my husband doesn't feel guilty if our kids are GONE for a few hours or overnight or full week at camp. My husband doesn't feel guilty if we just hang out and do nothing all weekend. There is no "my time" or "his time", the kids just live here and we're their parents.

Posting on Instapundit

I wish there will be a state who will say "shove it". 
Strike out all of the state's marital/divorce laws, but keep the licensing to comply with federal tax law/policy. Just you know as a piece of paper. Then if someone wants a divorce, then tell them to petition to federal courts. If the federal courts really want to define marriage, then they can deal with the mess of divorce. 
I'm waiting for federal courts having to deal with parental custody issues, and have to sit through who will pick up little Glen from blogging club on Thursday, because his mom hates his dad's new girlfriend and her spoiled princess daughter. But for all we know little Glen may like dad's place, because mom's new boyfriend walks around in his underwear.
Deal with the petty crap that happens day to day affecting families when things fall apart, I want Justice Kennedy to deal with that over and over and over.....
You know what is unfair? Making someone go to a wedding. Worse? Guilting them into the bridal party. Seriously how cruel at the end of the day guests can easily shell out 1000 dollars for the freaking day.
***Kidding aside, why would it be practical to get married in state B, when you live in state A and that marital ceremony would not be recognized? The only practical reason to demand a divorce in state A, when didn't recognize your marriage to begin with. It's like this Kim Davis situation, where it was a couple from Ohio who drove to Kentucky to a country of a population of 23k to get the clerk to refuse them with the media all present?***
A legal marriage is a marriage, without the big fancy wedding at the hotel /ocean/farm or not. Save your loved ones the money, have a pot lock with no bridal party in the backyard 
Oh yes, what a beautiful gazebo..... what super cute center pieces... Isn't the dog as the jr. officiant just adorable. Oh yay another highly coordinated groomsmen dance. 
Just stay married, and don't get a divorce. 
I've come to enjoy funerals with the wake/service/mecry meals afterwards, more then any wedding. 

Friday, September 4, 2015

Tip toeing around the word marriage

More quick takes at This Ain't The Lyceum 

At Fountains of Home 

"The message from these men is that they welcome the attention and greater inclusion in their partners’ pregnancy" -Fatherhood Project at Massachusetts General Hospital


The dangerous separation of the American upper middle class - Brookings

In itself, the relationship between upper middle class status and family structure may seem of little concern. Whether people choose to marry or not is a personal choice. But family structure, as a marker and predictor of family stability, makes a difference to the life chances of the next generation. To the extent that upper middle class Americans are able to form planned, stable, committed families, their children will benefit—and be more likely to retain their childhood class status when they become adults.

3. I live in a "marriage desert", as in it feels like I'm the only married (non-divorced) person in my social circle. 

The Pope said that the alliance of the family with God is called today to combat, what he called, the communal desertification of the modern city. He continued by saying that no political and economic policy can replace the contribution that families make to society, adding that we need to open up the love and warmth of the family to the city.

4. I have to admit my charity to be patient is bit lost. I'm suppose to be a beacon of light in the fog, and I'm failing miserably. It just sad. And it's not the disagreements. It's the snark. 

Everything it just mocking snark. 

5.  A Deacon's view on Kermit & Miss Piggy's divorce. 

6. It's worth repeating.... 

So I guess we will be fed to the lions, for social media pleasure. April 13, 2012
"Because even if you can't call it marriage, the state will always have the interest in a child being raised by biological kin in a stable environment. It will be costly and disruptive for the child, if parents do not vow as husband and wife to be married or whatever we will call it"

7.  Shrugs Shoulders. Yeah, I'm the crazy one. Whatever. I'm not telling anyone to shove it, or anything like that.  Because hey, I'm your beacon of light!