Thursday, September 10, 2015

7QT If marriage is obsolete then what?

More Quick Takes at This Ain't the Lyceum 


We already know that marriage has been considered obsolete (Pew Study 2010, use of old term), and young adults are at a lost having seen their own parents break up and financially unable to become independent enough to live on their own even as single individuals.

From Facebook (This was mostly liked by y friends who are divorced/single parents. Because it's not about judgment, it's about acknowledging this is a problem!) 
Pubic Policy friendly (but hits too close to home): As you know just as parents don't baby sit, they don't visit their own children. They parent (verb), because they're parents. This hopefully may prevent sometimes the guilt/power struggle that may happen when parents are no longer a couple. My husband and I just don't experience this, it just so hard at least from my point of view to get a handle of things we take for granted. There are times where nothing is planned for our weekend. We did NOTHING this weekend. A rarity, sometimes our children are so busy with activities we are nothing but chauffeurs, sitting around just waiting for a chess tournament to wrap up or a text to be picked up. I know I repeating the situation of the boy we know, who never attended a birthday party, because of 'dad time'. My children know of classmates who have to get their homework done 'real quick' because they have to go over to their other parent's house. In the recent movie, Jurassic World the two boys discuss the possible divorce of their parents. The older brother consoles the younger saying, but you will get 'two of everything' like all of friends. (not always, if your parents are not affluent) And the younger brother cries, but "I don't want two of everything". As State Rep. Colleen Garrynotes in the article, we have a long way to go.
And if you attempt to get married as a low-income couple, you will be penalized up to 32%

The future of marriage is of concern not just due to nostalgia for the “good old days.” Analysts on both the left and the right believe that, all things being equal, getting and staying married is the most effective way to avoid poverty and the best way to raise children. For example, research by a team of economists from Harvard and the University of California at Berkeley suggests the fraction of children in single-parent families is the strongest and most robust predictor of upward mobility – even more than minority-group affiliation.
However, all things are rarely equal. A heavy-handed effort to promote marriage would not be in the best interests of many couples or their children. A strong marriage-promotion policy could be offensive to couples who do not wish to marry or can’t do so. It also could be offensive to those who advocate women’s complete economic freedom from men. Moreover, a serious attempt at such social engineering could cause a host of unintended consequences and some serious mischief. (Bold is all my emphasis)
Point taken from the bold, government can protect/promote stable families (old form marriage), but it really can't create it by decree. Duh. We know that. Functional societies rely on functional homes that can relatively run on their own without little interference from the government, whether it be a consistent need for subsidies to offset lost/or the back log of custody battles. . What the government recognizes and what it doesn't, doesn't change what actually is needed.

"Because even if you can't call it marriage, the state will always have the interest in a child being raised by biological kin in a stable environment. It will be costly and disruptive for the child, if parents do not vow as husband and wife to be married or whatever we will call it"

It isn't as much as there is bad law, but how this bad law can be used to shut down any cultural redirection without the fear of a scandalous accusation of bigotry/discrimination. We're lost with broken sails and a anchor stuck in the mud.

What can happen if you try to say something?

If an individual or organization implies or acknowledges a child has a right to their mom and dad, and we should do more make the distinctions to help these relationships for the sake of their offspring, well at a minimum your friends will snub you or be somewhat passive aggressive. If you pull a Kim Davis, you can fall into a trap of being a national spectacle. I don't agree with what she did, but well the media and gay lobby were no better. The local news in Boston highlighting that a gay couple from San Francisco getting a marriage license Rowan County Kentucky means this is all just a circus side show distraction. Meanwhile everyone takes pride being on 'the right side' with lots of sharing and lots of likes, saying how stupid those marriage/Christian people are. Yay, I'm so glad that Internet Meme you shared got 50 likes, so you can feel good about yourself being liked!

Maybe I should of labeled it what not to do?

What should we do?

If working on your own marriage, trying to keep it together when as everything is going to pot. It's going to pot, people. Really. Has been for a while. Help out those in need, no really.Be with those who are in need. Unless you live in a rural community, but if you have to commute to help needy people then maybe you're just isolating yourself how bad things really are. Read my progressives in suburbia post. 
Oh so don't get me on the suburban pleastantvilles that all have three car garages and a mom & dad, boast proudly for gay marriage, but there isn't barely a poor person/fatherless child, except for the poor exwife clinging onto the marital home she can't really afford even with the alimony check/child support. 
Let it go lady, get a condo. It's the pension, not the home you should have taken.

I got really grumpy. I blame of hypocrisy of the my Facebook News Feeds. Seriously, that's the demographic that upsets me the post. People who throw stones from their cul-de-sacs.


Sometimes you can get someone to rethink their position, it just may take years. we didn't get here over night. 

Honestly we so deep in, we can't even see the light at the end of the tunnel due to all the smoke & mirrors.

And if you want to convince yourself that really this is about homophobia or hate, remember even gay kids have a mom and dad. And I'm more concerned about that kid's well-being, then you are.

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