Friday, December 18, 2015

The bigger problem with supervised visitation


***This isn't a complaint against the agency or the interview, this is a complaint how we could do better at helping parents parent.***


This week I had an interview to be a monitor for supervised visits for non-custodial parents, I didn't apply for this job it was presented to me when I went in to interview for another position. I didn't take the job, because parents should be able to figure it out on their own whether you like the other parent or not. If the parent is truly that "unsafe", I really can not protect your child. 

Why make the non-custodial parent pay upwards of 60 dollars an hour to see his/her own child for three hours in an environment that is not personal or that entertaining? Under this position, I wasn't even able to be a parental guide and assist in parenting. I just had to sit an observe. Can you imagine any parent, who hadn't seen his/her child in some time would probably be very anxious and would like some support on what to do? But no. I couldn't say a thing, I could only intervene if it was 'unsafe'. We couldn't go outside if the weather was nice or go to one of the child's extra curricular activities. Safety is an important thing, but hanging out in a well supplied room of toys (a foreign place to both parent & child) doesn't create needed bonds for both child and parent. 

Mom and dad, your past relationship might have been like oil and water, but find a neutral third party (extended family member) and save yourself and you child the less then wonderful experience of supervised visits. Do not disrupt normal activities for your child, to have a professionally supervised visit at an agency. Anyone interested in reading the 23 page guide on Massachusetts Supervised Visitation? Anyone?

Friday, November 6, 2015

7QT I'm angry, and that's OK.

This Ain't The Lyceum has a post about it not stealing your day.


1, I'm angry, with good cause. It's not like I'm steaming and wasting my time over it. Wait. I do. I always try to reframe it. I said try. Try! good advice from above.

2. I've been doing DCF Foster Care reviews for five years now. And this past Monday was tough. I can't talk about it, due to the privacy of the children/teens, But tough day. It just kills me to see children with no supports, no parents or other relatives with the ability to love them. In two situations, non-family took advantage of these children. Again in detail I will not say. But I was angered. Happy to see these children in safer situations, but it worry about everything we don't learn or find about.

3. Pornography. It's angers me. There has been a few articles about how porn is somehow not bad for someone. Predators usually never see that they are harmful to themselves, they don't feel it. I have very strong opinions about, and due to privacy of past relationships I've seen the addiction. I don't speak ill of my ex from twenty years ago. (This was prior to the internet!). His use of it, prevented him from loving me. In fact I think he did love me, He would of made a terrible spouse and father. I would always have to compete with pornography.

4. A lot of people struggle with it, and it's everywhere. They actually love their spouse and family, but like with anger it steals your day. This is why we have the public screen rule in our home. My children can read and see what I have on my screen, and vice versa. No screens (TVs.phones) in our bedrooms.

5. Pornography is equivalent of a bird humping a rock and the scientists in observation joke how dumb the bird is. We watch a lot of PBS nature. Sex is awkward enough, watching for entertainment and masturbation really is quite foolish when you look at the bigger picture.


6. Profanity. There is another publicity video of political operative Luke Montgomery. He has been known for his stunts over the past two decades. You make know him from the "Potty Princesses", not he has another one with Latino children using the middle finger towards Donald Trump. I do not care or even like Trump. but I don't need to use profanity or make my children use profanity.

7. The Left always accused the Right of being "Idiocracy", but considering the videos. A old blogger from the Opine Editorial days just noted on Facebook, how CNN always talks about the Republicans and FOX always about the Democrats. We love to hate. Hate steals.

Monday, October 19, 2015

Opining about the Idiocracy

The movie Idiocracy is always reference in current time, as if it was/is prophetic. That problem is no one admits to being the idiot. Too many my views are on the idiotic side. Even when I was posting on Opine Editorials, there was dissenting blog post on another blog titled, "Opine Idiotorials".

What's so idiotic acknowledging the family?

Yes, we are all too broken to admit it.

The good majority of my adult friends and acquaintances either experienced this brokenness as children or had a disruption themselves as an adult in their relationship, where they are divorced or no longer partners with the other parent of their child/children.

If anyone wants to accuse me of being judgmental on others, I'm not.

I'm acknowledging their stresses (wounds) if you have to analogize it.

I fear my own divorce. Not that there is anything wrong in my marriage, but rather my husband and I can see how easily it can fall apart. How easily to become selfish and not think of the other, how easily it could be one person giving 100% and the other 0%,

My friends on social media, the great majority disagree with me. I look and examine their posts. At times it isn't that I disagree with them either, but I just think something is distinctly a different idea/concept and not the same. But at time their motivating factor behind a shared/like item isn't about spiritual friendship or marriage, but the an idea that lacks sacrificial love. A love that is reduced to a snaky joke that it's about hate, or two Barbies without a Ken having a play wedding together.

When I live in a world where clever packing of social media bits and bites confuse and plant misconstruing ideas, that it's all about obsessing about gay people. I still take this marriage thing seriously, and if my husband and I can overcome the overwhelming tide of breakdown that would be really nice.

Saint Louis & Zelie Martin, a few prayers would be much appreciated for everyone.

Thursday, October 15, 2015

Despite everything, "family still matters" rich or poor....

More Quick Takes at "This Ain't The Lyceum"

1. My last post was September 30th. It was the Watershed moment int he culture wars. Nothing changed, except how the media now treats Pope Francis. 

"I live in a society, that even I teach my children that “even gay kids have a mom & dad”, they can easily face ridicule by some social justice warrior who wants to be them in their place, in which I’m now have to instruct  them be stay quite on the subject in public. Remember when everyone went hysterical with “Who am I to judge?”, but if anyone actually read the transcript it was the Pope being critical of the gay lobby."

2. Professor Ann Althouse speaks on the effects of divorce on the Trump children, and looking back how Donald Trumps reflected on his first marriage.

Trump is now married to his third wife, and I supposed I think more highly of a man who's on his third wife if I know that he regretted ever leaving his first wife. But how awful to be 12 years old and to see everyone reading about your father giving some woman who is not your mother the best sex she ever had.
3. The cable channel "Oxygen" is having a new program, "Finding my Father"

The eight-episode series follows 16 young women and men taking a leap of faith in the hope of connecting with their biological fathers for the first time. Using social media, distant family connections, and the assistance of private investigators, these bold young people attempt to piece together details about their fathers' lives and current whereabouts in order to answer key questions and heal the emotional scars left by their absence. 

4. You know how I sometimes say even gay atheist biracial children have a mom and dad? Well so do transgender kids who grew up in foster care after their mother passes. 

"Alexandra, age 24: Alexandra is a transgender actress and singer who grew up in foster care and was separated from her eight siblings. Her mother passed away when she was nine, and her remaining family is not supportive of her transition. As Alexandra approaches the last stage of becoming her true self, she hopes her father will accept and embrace her."

5. Family and stability. A lot of discussion of multiple cohabitations of mothers and how it may affect their child's well being. An effect of multiple partners is also multiple movings, from home to home with no stability. They are connecting this to education outcomes.

Frequent school moves hurt low-income childrens' math scores


On average, children moved 1.38 times over the five years between Head Start and third grade. Fifty-four children (14 percent) remained in the same school between Head Start and third grade, whereas 327 children (86 percent) moved at least once over this time period. Forty children (10 percent) experienced frequent mobility, changing schools three or four times.
The Chicago public schools system has an open enrollment policy that allows children to enroll in any of its schools, not just the one closest to their home. This increases parents' ability to change schools if they are unhappy with a school's climate, teachers or other students, according to the article
Lowell has such a situation in which there is an open enrollment, and children are not automatically placed in the same school.

6.
  
46 minutes agoICYMI: I'll be at the rally tomorrow, where will protest outside:
I'll pass. Trump and abortion advocates, together.  I saw an opinion piece upset that a public school was being used. A little frustrating that people can't see it is merely renting out space, and not the government endorsement.

7.  There are other topics on my mind, but I can't transition to them at the moment since I'm  on my last quick take. 



Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Watershed moment in the Culture Wars

From Facebook....

Watershed moment in the Culture Wars

I wish I could just post cute picks of dogs and kids, but social media is also about discussions, the same way we use to talk about politics at the dinner table or with friends 25 years ago. So yes, I’m writing this and posting it publicly.

Now that’s it has been confirmed that Pope Francis has met with Kim Davis (reported by the New York Times/Rome Reports), I’m your Kim Davis. I think you all know that by now. Every time I saw any one posted/shared/liked something that vilified Kim Davis, I said a prayer for her, you, and myself. I knew I couldn’t of done what she did, and I would made a different argument in my defense of marriage, but everyone I have to say I’m was very upset how you participated in the nasty bullying of this woman.

It wasn’t direct, it was passive. You didn’t create that nasty meme or wrote that mocking status update, you just shared and liked it. I said a prayer. But I did it with frustration and anger. Are you happy you made her, in this digital age, a martyr? Haven’t you read the lives of Saints, the most remarkable ones were the sinners (the hot messes).  And that is what draws me to Christ.

Back in June when everyone decided have their rainbow profiles, sponsored by Facebook, I spoke up on the logical conflicts that many of you in rainbow had a married mother and father. I shared a story of a teenager who loved her moms (bio mom & paternal aunt), but wanted her uncle (really her bio father) to be a dad. I also clearly acknowledge in fact there are many well-intended and just things I in fact agreed upon with everyone.  In the course of the conversation, I had to use strong language to defend myself from a false accusation of bigotry. For the most part the rainbow profiles I shrugged off as a fad, everyone wanted to be a part of love, equality, and whatever the 1% social media landowners markets to us serfs.

The person who called me a loser, eventually unfriended me on Facebook, even though we are acquaintances with mutual friends and interests at a local level. Again I used language I try to avoid, but yes I called her phony and I don’t regret that.  If you try to shove me up against the lockers for brownie points to be cool with the media and political idols, I have to punch back only as a last resort. I try to avoid cat fights, local friends know that.

 I should say though, it’s wrong in conversation to use personalized name calling. So I should regret it that, but right now I’m not there. Again I’m angry and frustrated, forgive me. But I won’t regret arguing against fraudulent claim.

I live in a society, that even I teach my children that “even gay kids have a mom & dad”, they can easily face ridicule by some social justice warrior who wants to be them in their place, in which I’m now have to instruct  them be stay quite on the subject in public. Remember when everyone went hysterical with “Who am I to judge?”, but if anyone actually read the transcript it was the Pope being critical of the gay lobby.

Yes, I have and will still be holding my views strongly on the understanding and support of the family. Cracks can occur with family disruption, but with enough social supports the foundation can be mended and rebuilt. The problem is in so many situations for children, their foundation has completely crumbled.

Now does anyone want to talk public policy, because President Obama had some great legislation back in 2007 on responsible fatherhood and marriage?

I’m also in disbelief that so many Catholics can’t accept that the Pope met with Kim Davis.


I’m your Kim Davis.

Friday, September 18, 2015

7QT It's OK to say this stinks. Right?


More Quick Links over at This Ain't The Lyceum



I'm angry. And this is picture  of a table I gently put to its side last June. 

1. Ever wanted to say something uncharitable, because that person deserved it, but didn't. You didn't because you knew it would not of helped, but you felt it. I happy, I didn't. But so help me, God! I could of dished it out times three and unneedingly ripped that person apart. 

Thanks for the help, God. 

2. #1 is about this post earlier this week. "

"Quirky observation in Lowell, and the conversation that went down hill from it."



4. Can't finished. Why? I left the gas cap to the van at a gas station 25 minutes away. Easier to just get a replacement. And other minors road blocks that prevent regular function. 

Monday, September 14, 2015

Quirky observation in Lowell, and the conversation that went down hill from it.

I'm active on Facebook, and I belong to a closed forum about things Lowell. Initially it was open, but I believe accidentally closed and the settings can not be under from my understanding.

I was sitting in traffic at Bridge and the VFW, when my seven year old son became upset that two people were 'breaking the law' in the Dunkin Donuts parking lot. Two people were making out/kissing and being very handsy. Eleven year old visibly upset with disgust, "It's Dunkin Donuts, not the Eiffel Tower." Seven year old more worried that they were going to get run over by a car. .... ‪#‎Lowell‬ There's lot to like.

This post was about blocking traffic in the Dunkins Donuts parking lot of one of the most busiest intersections of the city and Dunkin Donuts not necessarily are expectant place for lovers.

What I got was an earful that I'm a prude, and my children have a distorted view of sex. I was told to move back to Chelmsford, and I was a hateful negative person, implying that (I, as an adult) kissing should be illegal. It was clear that two female city residents were in "Queen Bee & Wanna Bee" mode or working on their audition video for the Bad Girls Club, I get it I'm an easy target for this type of mean girl behavior. The problem is we're not in middle school, we're adults.

These two female city neighbors had previously got very upset and personal with me online, when I have to call the police for a party with binge drinking held on a vacant foreclosed home adjacent to my property. They made slight passive aggressive references to that thread, and when I was dismayed by their total misrepresentation of my posting I asked,

(Me) No one remembers the Princess Bride... Do they?

(Local Troll #1*) I do... But what does it have to do with this? I love to be enlightened! (with winking emotioncon)

(Me) The Grandson: They’re kissing again. Do we have to read the kissing parts?  with link tot he movie





I normally would not reference someone as a troll, but this was her response to quoting the Princess Bride.

 Ok... So...? I don't know Renee Aste... This just seems to be a hateful, negative post about Lowell. I see you're from Chelmsford and that's great. Maybe you should stay there before your kids end up kissing in parking lots  #Lowell is my home. There is a lot to LOVE about #Lowell. I'm sorry you can't open your eyes and your soul to see it.


How do I respond? With a google search with a reference that boys do not like seeing people kiss, and not only  is it normal, it's a universal view boys have.




And

They were looking for a catfight, but instead we ended up with an article about aphrodisiacs.  I did some researching, because who really thinks of donuts as being romantic?
Yep, Dunkin Donuts can be romantic as the Eiffel Tower. " In one of his studies, he looked at the effects of 30 different scents on the sexual arousal of 31 male volunteers (yes, you read that correctly). He found that the scent causing the highest level of arousal was a combination of lavender and pumpkin pie. Doughnut and black licorice came in second, and the combination of doughnut and pumpkin pie came in third. "

No response, except another female participate piling on telling I had no business posting such things on the forum.

Be careful who you offer a pumpkin donut too, you may be giving them the wrong message!






Thursday, September 10, 2015

7QT If marriage is obsolete then what?

More Quick Takes at This Ain't the Lyceum 


1.

We already know that marriage has been considered obsolete (Pew Study 2010, use of old term), and young adults are at a lost having seen their own parents break up and financially unable to become independent enough to live on their own even as single individuals.


2.
From Facebook (This was mostly liked by y friends who are divorced/single parents. Because it's not about judgment, it's about acknowledging this is a problem!) 
Pubic Policy friendly (but hits too close to home): As you know just as parents don't baby sit, they don't visit their own children. They parent (verb), because they're parents. This hopefully may prevent sometimes the guilt/power struggle that may happen when parents are no longer a couple. My husband and I just don't experience this, it just so hard at least from my point of view to get a handle of things we take for granted. There are times where nothing is planned for our weekend. We did NOTHING this weekend. A rarity, sometimes our children are so busy with activities we are nothing but chauffeurs, sitting around just waiting for a chess tournament to wrap up or a text to be picked up. I know I repeating the situation of the boy we know, who never attended a birthday party, because of 'dad time'. My children know of classmates who have to get their homework done 'real quick' because they have to go over to their other parent's house. In the recent movie, Jurassic World the two boys discuss the possible divorce of their parents. The older brother consoles the younger saying, but you will get 'two of everything' like all of friends. (not always, if your parents are not affluent) And the younger brother cries, but "I don't want two of everything". As State Rep. Colleen Garrynotes in the article, we have a long way to go.
3. 
And if you attempt to get married as a low-income couple, you will be penalized up to 32%


The future of marriage is of concern not just due to nostalgia for the “good old days.” Analysts on both the left and the right believe that, all things being equal, getting and staying married is the most effective way to avoid poverty and the best way to raise children. For example, research by a team of economists from Harvard and the University of California at Berkeley suggests the fraction of children in single-parent families is the strongest and most robust predictor of upward mobility – even more than minority-group affiliation.
However, all things are rarely equal. A heavy-handed effort to promote marriage would not be in the best interests of many couples or their children. A strong marriage-promotion policy could be offensive to couples who do not wish to marry or can’t do so. It also could be offensive to those who advocate women’s complete economic freedom from men. Moreover, a serious attempt at such social engineering could cause a host of unintended consequences and some serious mischief. (Bold is all my emphasis)
4.
Point taken from the bold, government can protect/promote stable families (old form marriage), but it really can't create it by decree. Duh. We know that. Functional societies rely on functional homes that can relatively run on their own without little interference from the government, whether it be a consistent need for subsidies to offset lost/or the back log of custody battles. . What the government recognizes and what it doesn't, doesn't change what actually is needed.

"Because even if you can't call it marriage, the state will always have the interest in a child being raised by biological kin in a stable environment. It will be costly and disruptive for the child, if parents do not vow as husband and wife to be married or whatever we will call it"

It isn't as much as there is bad law, but how this bad law can be used to shut down any cultural redirection without the fear of a scandalous accusation of bigotry/discrimination. We're lost with broken sails and a anchor stuck in the mud.

5.
What can happen if you try to say something?

If an individual or organization implies or acknowledges a child has a right to their mom and dad, and we should do more make the distinctions to help these relationships for the sake of their offspring, well at a minimum your friends will snub you or be somewhat passive aggressive. If you pull a Kim Davis, you can fall into a trap of being a national spectacle. I don't agree with what she did, but well the media and gay lobby were no better. The local news in Boston highlighting that a gay couple from San Francisco getting a marriage license Rowan County Kentucky means this is all just a circus side show distraction. Meanwhile everyone takes pride being on 'the right side' with lots of sharing and lots of likes, saying how stupid those marriage/Christian people are. Yay, I'm so glad that Internet Meme you shared got 50 likes, so you can feel good about yourself being liked!

Maybe I should of labeled it what not to do?

6. 
What should we do?

If working on your own marriage, trying to keep it together when as everything is going to pot. It's going to pot, people. Really. Has been for a while. Help out those in need, no really.Be with those who are in need. Unless you live in a rural community, but if you have to commute to help needy people then maybe you're just isolating yourself how bad things really are. Read my progressives in suburbia post. 
Oh so don't get me on the suburban pleastantvilles that all have three car garages and a mom & dad, boast proudly for gay marriage, but there isn't barely a poor person/fatherless child, except for the poor exwife clinging onto the marital home she can't really afford even with the alimony check/child support. 
Let it go lady, get a condo. It's the pension, not the home you should have taken.

I got really grumpy. I blame of hypocrisy of the my Facebook News Feeds. Seriously, that's the demographic that upsets me the post. People who throw stones from their cul-de-sacs.

7.

Sometimes you can get someone to rethink their position, it just may take years. we didn't get here over night. 

Honestly we so deep in, we can't even see the light at the end of the tunnel due to all the smoke & mirrors.

And if you want to convince yourself that really this is about homophobia or hate, remember even gay kids have a mom and dad. And I'm more concerned about that kid's well-being, then you are.

Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Talking to your children about sex is the easy part and what's missing?

I am going to speak both in a Catholic and non-Catholic point of view. 

When I volunteer at DCF I asked one of the social workers privately, "When you do respect the sexual decisions of a teenager, and when do you pull them aside and say I can't stand by and do nothing. What you are doing is dangerous and you can hurt yourself?" At where is the line where birth control is a responsible decision vs. condoning irresponsible behavior. At what point is the teen so reckless, the immediate remedy is just to fit her with an implant or IUD.

From the Boston Globe, which highlights both Planned Parenthood/Human Right Foundation (which their lobbyist names are absurd considering what they are) along with The Massachusetts Family Institute. 

In many ways there are some things they agree upon. Birds & the Bees. Healthy relationships. But does an eleven year old really need to hear about oral and anal sex in a positive manner? I don't know, even with my own kids who know how babies are made at this age, and think kissing is gross, would just be horrified with this. We have a 'public screen' rule in our home, so there is very little sexually explicit material ever seen. Except, PBS Nature.

While clearly abstinence works and makes the most logical sense until well monogamy (formally known as marriage), preaching abstinence just lacks substance. Explaining about homosexuality in of itself, is fine with a  lot of us "conservatives". Back in the 80s, all I needed to know was that an individual we knew was gay, and that meant he or she prefer companionship of someone of the same sex. Did I really need to know about gay sex? AIDS being an behavior epidemic that was contracted by an action of sharing bodily fluids. Teaching of orientation is different then behavior.

What is educating vs. promoting, especially in terms of health education. Both sides agree with the science and the data collected by the CDC.

What I see is a lot of overlapping of ideas, but addressing for totally two point of views.

"Health statistics show a need for sexuality education for gay and lesbian students. Those students are more likely to engage in risky behaviors that result in pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases, federal findings show. Experts say the students, facing pressure to have heterosexual sex, often have multiple partners and forgo protection.As a result, lesbian and bisexual teens experience twice the risk of unintended pregnancy than their heterosexual peers. And the HIV infection rate is rising rapidly among those between the ages of 13 and 24, particularly among gay youth, according to the CDC; many are unaware that they have been infected and pass on the disease through unprotected anal sex.

In a hyper sexualized world, the young teens most at risk at well the one's who feel awkward. No matter how accepting a society is of homosexuality and all of your friends think it is en vogue to be bisexual, if you really are gay... well you're different and you might try to prove you're not different.

But I disagree with this part...

Landon Callahan, a 17-year-old senior from North Attleboro, recalled being an anxious fifth grader facing gender identity confusion when a school nurse whisked the girls in the class off to watch a video about developing breasts and getting their menstrual periods. An uncertain Callahan was included in the girls’ group, while the boys had gone with the gym teacher for a separate puberty discussion.
“I felt super uncomfortable and nervous because I did not feel like any of that should be happening to me,” said Callahan, who transitioned to male after battling severe depression his freshman year of high school. If sex education were more inclusive from an early age, he said, “being transgender wouldn’t be as much of this taboo thing.”

I'm very sympathetic, yet would inclusion at this age really help, especially if we are talking about sanitary issues regarding menstruation.  Maybe hearing about oral and anal sex as being normal would make me very depressed as a eleven year old?

What missing? 

Talk about pornography addiction, since the availability is so readily available. 

Talk about older children harming younger children. Just as we tell young children it's NOT OK to be touch, older children need to be reminded it is NOT OK to touch younger children. 

My experience with DCF make me very well aware that the DUGGARS are not an isolated case. 



 

Progressive opinions in suburbia



Saturday, September 5, 2015

"Shove it"

What if I could just tell people to "shove it"? 

Posting I said openly on Facebook

#1

We live in a split reality, I can find articles from progressive/liberal outlets expressing concern as if the old definition exists. I have friends who all went to rainbow tinted profiles, who just two weeks earlier boasted about how awesome their father is. The ability to get the most out of your parents full engagement is when mom & dad are in a healthy relationship together (not as friends, living separately) but as a couple. You & I have never had issue with anyone who acknowledged themselves as gay, but now we're have been created as monsters by the SJW multi media. God forbid to mention that bible marriage is based on "honor your mother & father" and civil marriage presumes paternity in good faith , because I grew up with gay kids having a mom & dad. I'm sick of being called crazy/stupid/bigot. What Kim Davis is doing is legally wrong. But it's an act of civil disobedience. And if she has no issue with being jailed, it's probably the most effective way to tell the political elite and the controlled media narrative to SHOVE IT!

We all know marriage is dead, which technically makes this new definition of marriage also dead. 15 years ago researchers noticed if an individual thought marriage was dead, the more likely they were in favor of gay marriage. I prefer to say child focused vs. adult focused or new vs. old definitions, to try to stay out of the culture war banter. In 2010, 40% of Americans thought marriage was dead. It's not a judgment on single parents/or parents trying to coparent as friends, simply life is less complicated with less guilt when a child has mom & dad together. I actually will try to help out separated parents if I have to, because we have to rebuild from somewhere. Simple things like birthday parties/sleepovers, can become difficult. My son has a classmate, who has never gone to birthday parties/sleep overs, because it's dad's weekend. We made an extra attempt to get this boy to my son's birthday, by reaching out. That's great this child sees his dad, but the child is also missing a lot. Mom may not tell dad, or dad may fear looking like a bad parent if he doesn't see his child for half of the weekend. Or maybe dad tries to fill up the schedule with so much stuff out of guilt. I'm married to the father of my kids, my husband doesn't feel guilty if our kids are GONE for a few hours or overnight or full week at camp. My husband doesn't feel guilty if we just hang out and do nothing all weekend. There is no "my time" or "his time", the kids just live here and we're their parents.

Posting on Instapundit

3. 
I wish there will be a state who will say "shove it". 
Strike out all of the state's marital/divorce laws, but keep the licensing to comply with federal tax law/policy. Just you know as a piece of paper. Then if someone wants a divorce, then tell them to petition to federal courts. If the federal courts really want to define marriage, then they can deal with the mess of divorce. 
I'm waiting for federal courts having to deal with parental custody issues, and have to sit through who will pick up little Glen from blogging club on Thursday, because his mom hates his dad's new girlfriend and her spoiled princess daughter. But for all we know little Glen may like dad's place, because mom's new boyfriend walks around in his underwear.
Deal with the petty crap that happens day to day affecting families when things fall apart, I want Justice Kennedy to deal with that over and over and over.....
4.
You know what is unfair? Making someone go to a wedding. Worse? Guilting them into the bridal party. Seriously how cruel at the end of the day guests can easily shell out 1000 dollars for the freaking day.
***Kidding aside, why would it be practical to get married in state B, when you live in state A and that marital ceremony would not be recognized? The only practical reason to demand a divorce in state A, when didn't recognize your marriage to begin with. It's like this Kim Davis situation, where it was a couple from Ohio who drove to Kentucky to a country of a population of 23k to get the clerk to refuse them with the media all present?***
A legal marriage is a marriage, without the big fancy wedding at the hotel /ocean/farm or not. Save your loved ones the money, have a pot lock with no bridal party in the backyard 
Oh yes, what a beautiful gazebo..... what super cute center pieces... Isn't the dog as the jr. officiant just adorable. Oh yay another highly coordinated groomsmen dance. 
Just stay married, and don't get a divorce. 
I've come to enjoy funerals with the wake/service/mecry meals afterwards, more then any wedding. 

Friday, September 4, 2015

Tip toeing around the word marriage

More quick takes at This Ain't The Lyceum 

At Fountains of Home 

1. 
"The message from these men is that they welcome the attention and greater inclusion in their partners’ pregnancy" -Fatherhood Project at Massachusetts General Hospital

2. 

The dangerous separation of the American upper middle class - Brookings


In itself, the relationship between upper middle class status and family structure may seem of little concern. Whether people choose to marry or not is a personal choice. But family structure, as a marker and predictor of family stability, makes a difference to the life chances of the next generation. To the extent that upper middle class Americans are able to form planned, stable, committed families, their children will benefit—and be more likely to retain their childhood class status when they become adults.

3. I live in a "marriage desert", as in it feels like I'm the only married (non-divorced) person in my social circle. 

The Pope said that the alliance of the family with God is called today to combat, what he called, the communal desertification of the modern city. He continued by saying that no political and economic policy can replace the contribution that families make to society, adding that we need to open up the love and warmth of the family to the city.

4. I have to admit my charity to be patient is bit lost. I'm suppose to be a beacon of light in the fog, and I'm failing miserably. It just sad. And it's not the disagreements. It's the snark. 

Everything it just mocking snark. 


5.  A Deacon's view on Kermit & Miss Piggy's divorce. 


6. It's worth repeating.... 

So I guess we will be fed to the lions, for social media pleasure. April 13, 2012
"Because even if you can't call it marriage, the state will always have the interest in a child being raised by biological kin in a stable environment. It will be costly and disruptive for the child, if parents do not vow as husband and wife to be married or whatever we will call it"


7.  Shrugs Shoulders. Yeah, I'm the crazy one. Whatever. I'm not telling anyone to shove it, or anything like that.  Because hey, I'm your beacon of light!


Thursday, August 27, 2015

Seven Quick Takes: Rants about weddings & I have a resume

More Quick Takes at This Ain't the Lyceum

Recapping the summer: 

As a family we did nothing spectacular. The kids enjoyed doing nothing. Yes, they had a week of camp and dance lessons continued.

It never got hot, not one true heat wave. We've been in the pool a lot, but we never installed the air conditioning either. Our trees create a great canopy of shade.

Bearing false witness:

"to twist the argument not about public policy but to argue that Christians hate gay individuals for defending and prioritizing a child's relationship with their mother and father. Ouch. What a lie. One thing to disagree with anyone but another to scandalize another to support their self righteousness"

Rants about weddings, not marriage:

I said I hate weddings. I hate bridal parties, I hate sand/candle ceremonies, I hate filler, I hate seeing families spending tens of thousands of dollars for cookie cutter receptions at hotels somewhere off the highway in an office park, no where near either the couple's families live near.

Gazeebo/fancy stair case/ocean views/bridal dresses in the back of the closet, I'm done. 

Oh wait.... a cattle farm? You know it's about agri-tourism






Fun Home and why it was a terrible graphic novel

A graphic novel/memoir that is sexually explicit with images, may conflict with a Christian morals, but because it may conflict with one's morals doesn't make it a good book to challenge your thoughts.  Apparently from the reviews from years past, it's a ok/so-so book. 

In the Boston Globe this week 


"" It’s the child’s interests [that] are most at stake in cases like this,” Kindregan said. “They are being deprived of their parents, and they may wind up in a whole new home. So their interests need protection."
You don't say?

Random thought...

It's only the good times, that can help you through a dark time in your marriage. This why you can't be a jerk to spouse on a regular basis and get away with it, because when there is a rough patch there's nothing built upon to get through it. Someone will walk out or get kicked to the curb, by choice or necessity.

My resume

It looks good. I'm proud of it. The fact is that I won't delete my blog. I may stop posting, simply because I'm busy.  Hopefully busy. I look forward to working


Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Fun Home & Duke : Stuff White People Like (Hipsterific!) calling on the bullshit

Washington Post Op-Ed The college freshman, Brian Grasso  (a Christian) had no issue the text and discussing/writing about the literature, but the images were the concern. Citing with acknowledgement, that the majority of young men his age look explicit material for leisure/boredom he found it to be a serious issue. Who knows Duke's English department knowing that no one reads anymore, thought 'girl on girl' action would at least get the incoming freshman to crack open a book? Outright refusal to read the book seems extreme, but a highly selective school requiring a novel that can be read in under two hours??? (ETA: THis book was assigned for student orientation, not a class. This help explain a lot why it may have been chosen and his right to choose not to read it.)

A few brutally honest review from 5-8 years ago from GoodReads, mix reviews from people honestly read the novel. Funhouse isn't that great of a graphic novel, despite the praise that lead to it being of Broadway musical. It's just OK.  FYI Yes, I may read this simply for the story line dealing with parent/child relationships. This is really a graphic novel about family from a child's point of view! 






Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Rant about weddings, not marriage


I'm done with weddings, but not marriage. People know my record, and with weddings I am done. Look at it this way, if I end up not going I'm saving you money. I will still send a gift and my blessings, but I'm done with weddings.

Except... Except... You can do a simple civil/religious ceremony. Yes, your nuptials in the context of a Catholic Mass at your local parish can be simple. There is no such thing as a big church wedding, the church just happens to be big. In the backyard or at city hall, same thing.

Like I said I hate weddings. I hate bridal parties, I hate sand/candle ceremonies, I hate filler, I hate seeing families spending tens of thousands of dollars for cookie cutter receptions at hotels somewhere off the highway in an office park, no where near either the couple's families live near.

Gazeebo/fancy stair case/ocean views/bridal dresses in the back of the closet, I'm done.

We're loaded up with student debt and high costs of living, dropping 30k or whatever isn't worth it.

Saturday, July 18, 2015

Shame away... I'm the bad guy.

I posted this on Facebook in June 28th. Only one person thought it was about 'teh gays'. Thank you for those who disagreed to realize a disagreement is just that a disagreement.

Click to enlarge.


Saturday, June 27, 2015

Bearing False Witness

Nothing has changed, well except my ever growing ability to be unpopular. 

Over the past decade I've had good and bad conversations about the idea of marriage. If so many people think marriage is obsolete, then why are so many celebrating. And what are they celebrating?

Many friends have changed their social media profiles with the Facebook sponsored rainbow tints.

My Twitter feed is filled with corporate sponsors doing the same with their logo.

Everyone is happy. Happy Happy HAPPY

Everyone is kicking the idea that marriage is an idea that brought both parents together for the well being of the child is anti-intellectual stupid ignorant discriminatory.... and so on.... and so on.

I'm being  stoned with digital pixels of rainbows, mislabeled as hateful and a bigot and against LOVE. Yes, that is silly. Bizzare.

LOVE is LOVE! How can I be against LOVE as a Christian.

And that's the probably a bit more painful, not people are for gay marriage, but to twist the argument not about public policy but to argue that Christians hate gay individuals for defending and prioritizing a child's relationship with their mother and father. Ouch. What a lie. One thing to disagree with anyone but another to scandalize another to support their self righteousness


To quote 'Ask the Bigot"

"I do because that’s how my mother parented me. She is an exceptional mother.  If her partner would have had children, she would have totally rocked motherhood; it’s evident in every fiber of her being.Thing is, even though they are all that, they both would have failed at being fathers.
Cue sirens ‘cause when the Bigoted Hater Police hear such statements they now have the word of the highest court in our land to reinforce their misguided ideology.
Some speculate that I must hate my mom to oppose same-sex marriage. But the reality is that my support of traditional marriage stems from the fact that two men, no matter how loving, could never have replaced this mother of mine. N E V E R.
See, most traditional marriage supporters agree that consenting adults should be able to form the relationships that they choose.  What they oppose is state-endorsed motherlessness and fatherlessness. Marriage is not just about how adults feel about one another. Marriage serves a social good by connecting parents, especially fathers, to their biological children. Therefore redefining marriage redefines parenthood- in essence making mothers or fathers optional in the life of a child, which is a sociological lie regardless of what 5 justices believe. According to reason, biology and Top Shelf social science, children do not just need “role models,” or “guardians,” or even generic “parents.”  Every child is conceived by, desires to be known by, and has a right to their mother and father. Children are incapable of protecting their own rights.  That is the purview of adults.  It is one of the few things our elected officials, and justices, are supposed to do.
Now that same-sex marriage is a constitutional “right” how will those parent-child bonds be respected and encouraged?
Well, the legal system is out.


But everyone is so HAPPY as they kick around those dwindling number of people who openly express anthropological kinship as a matter of public policy and well being.

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

I didn't like Pixar's InsideOut

SPOILER: The concept of child brain development and how stress affects our memories felt wasted on the story. I didn't care about the girl at all, Disney Princesses deal with more trauma then her. I'm no lefty, but the girl's issues felt too "privileged". Might be terrible for a seven year old to emotionally cope with, but not an eleven year old deal with. Was she that sheltered???

 Age 11 is a better age with adolescence coming up, but they couldn't give her 11 year old problems because a 5 year old wouldn't enjoy the movie.

See the Toy Story Trilogy or Up or Wall-E again.

And when the girl (I already forgot her name) ran away to the bus station, all I could think was her becoming a victim of human trafficking. At least she brought her cell phone.

Saturday, June 20, 2015

Pardon me, but that child is intentionally fatherless. Nothing to congratulate you on.

It's Father's Day. Not all children will be able to celebrate it. This day can bring a lot of pain. We acknowledge the grief and loss of a father, whether it be by death or separation from the family. Sometimes fathers are absent by choice, and sometimes fathers are pushed out. Sometimes there is a valid reasons why a father can not be a part of a child's life (abuse/mental illness/substance issues), and sometimes a father is just a jerk. A lot of parents, if not together, overcome their differences and do their best to co-parent as loving adults. 

Passing through Facebook, I saw a "like", It was a like of a professional copyrighted photograph. Two women, as a couple, one visibly pregnant. The photographer with a several hash tags cited it as #equality #getoverit .  Thank goodness for blogs. I wasn't going to say anything and start some miserable social media war, which would only result in being called a bunch of terrible names for simply pointing out the child is being denied a parent. No need. Sooner or later, well later, the child will grow and and find his/her father like everyone else who has been denied such rights (older adoptees)


From Jezebel (the quote of out of context)
Queer people who becomes parents, no matter what the process, are “selfish” because they’re putting their own desire to be parents over their hypothetical child’s hypothetical right to a mother and a father. And so on. When the topic turns to adoption and assisted reproduction technology, the accusations of selfishness become all the more intense, because there’s money involved.

Yeah, Money. Money for a human being. You're not treating infertility, because well the assumption is that both women (or men) could become parents by simply having sex with the other biological parent.  There is no diagnosis of infertility. The problem is that you don't want the other parent involved.

Whether the recipients of a child (coerced private adoption/third party reproduction) that isn't theirs due to infertility, being single, or in a same-sex relationship the burden is on the child to accept the lost of natural parent(s) as intended to be a wonderful thing in the name of equality of love.

Bull Shit.

That's lying.

Repeat. It's ACTUALLY Lying. Not just hypothetically lying.

Lying to a child for your personal desire and benefit.

Kinship Denial.





Wish I could highlight Father's Day on a brighter note, but but being infertile, single, or gay doesn't give you an exemption. Sorry. Call me all the misguided names you want. Just pointing out what should be obvious and should be stated without fear.

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

7QT Being A Father Still Matters



1. I don't have millions of dollars of influence in politics or media, and I have no ill will to ruin anyone's livelihood. Some say that's the problem, I won't fight fire with fire or I won't punch back twice as hard. Fighting fire with fire will only cause a conflagration. Punching back isn't defending myself, because I'm not at war and there is no need to fight. Sure you may even destroy my reputation with false presentations of the argument, but nothing is changed. Reality is reality, and the only thing created is confusion and fear.

The general theme of the blogging has been 'Marriage from a Child's Point of View'.  The relationship between our mother and father matters. We may not speak it in terms of marriage or even promote it opening without offending other adult relationships, but it matters. Society will not get better until we recognize this matters. 

2. 

Being a Child of a Transgendered Parent by Catholic Classy


 Every day I walk around like everything is okay. When in reality my heart is broken. My father who I loved so much broke my heart. My father who I looked up to and loved so deeply left me. The father who I thought was the best man on earth, and could have not been more proud of disappeared. I thought he was someone who overcame so many travesties in his life, and so much self growth. I was so proud of him for that. There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t miss him. My father whom I knew and loved for 17 years of my life just disappeared overnight it seemed. The man I loved so much was gone.  I spent so much of my life trying to impress that man and make him proud. I miss him picking me up every Tuesday and Thursday. I miss sitting outside talking to him while he worked on either his motorcycle or car. I miss long drives with him talking about life. I miss it all. My heart is completely broken by this. People probably think I’m a horrible person for not speaking to him anymore. What they don’t understand is the emotional toll this has put on me. 


3. 

4. Catholic Classy handled this well, but I'm so angry/frustrated with 'rightsaidkate', she totally dismisses the child's feelings. Who is the parent and who is the child? Why is this cross on Catholic Classy shoulders? 

Why can't people recognize the trauma of a child when they lose the parent they once knew!

Catholic Classy should't have to apologize for dealing with the loss her father as the primary male role model in her life. 

5. I don't get it. My volunteer work at Massachusetts DCF always puts the best interests of the child first. It's about the child and their rights, their needs, and their wants. Even in a case where a young teenage boy was adopted by two women, he requested a male mentor. The married lesbian couple were not offended, because the needs of their adopted son came FIRST. Even they acknowledge he need the ability to speak in confidence with a man. 

That desire, that right was taken away from Catholic Classy by her father's choices. She had no say in the matter. And that's the thing children can't control the choices of adults, and that why we hold adults at a different standard then children. The obligations and burdens of being a responsible father fall on the man, not on his children. 

6.  The desire to have both a mother and a father isn't wrong. No one is crazy for saying this. Catholic Classy is being perfectly sane and reasonable for expressing her emotions of loss. 

She'a not alone




I'm not personally against transgender. I tend to be more liberal on the issue if someone truly believes they are correcting something, but you become a parent you lose a lot of your freedoms for the sake of your child. Your'e her father, be dad. 


7. Do people realize we are at a point in society that we make children feel guilty and ashamed for wanting their mother and father? That's where we are. Is there anything left to salvage from our current civilization, before we go completely dark and have to rebuild?