Monday, June 30, 2014

You can't stay neutral.

 They won't let you be a pacifist, full alliance or you're the enemy.


 Mirror of Justice

This is a company wide survey. All lines of business have the same survey. There was a question where it said to check the boxes that were applicable to you. You could select one, more than one, or none. Here it is:
Are you: 1) A person with disabilities; 2) A person with children with disabilities; 3) A person with a spouse/domestic partner with disabilities; 4) A member of the LGBT community.I thought 4 was a little oddly placed, but oh well. It was the next option that pulled the needle off the record:
5) An ally of the LGBT community, but not personally identifying as LGBT.What?! What kind of question was that? An "ally" of that community? What's thealternative if you don't select that option? You're not a ally of the LGBTcommunity.

Friday, June 27, 2014

7QT Truth on the Fridge Door

More Quick Takes at

1. One of the most tragic elements of breakdown of marriage is knowing that those who argue that marriage is a 'contract' or 'legal rights' or 'love is love', have somewhere in their home (ex. on the fridge door) a picture of themselves with their parents.

2. How did we become a culture that would consider the value of marriage as hate, yet show off images of families bonded openly in our homes and in our social media feeds.

3. Meanwhile fragile communities experience the effects of fatherless, find themselves blocked from economic and social stability, government programs do not replace the benefits of parents.Pictures if any are too painful to display.

4. Every day I read another research paper or public policy article on 'the family', as in you know a child residing with his/her own mother and father. And every day I see the cultural disconnect. Every day in conversation we tip-toe around the idea of marriage.

5. With the redefining of marriage, we also redefined homophobia. I really do consider myself 'liberal' in so many ways, despite the extreme polarization of the political system.

6. I had Masha Gessen’s dream of five parents… and it sucked
Masha Gessen had a mom and a dad, so it appears that she benefitted from the socially conservative family structure--it appears she was not raised under the family structure she advocates. That sounds about right. I’ve talked to many people who think deconstructing the family in favor of adult sexual choice is a good thing… and these very same people lived under the socially conservative family structure with their one mom who spent her life with their one dad, and they all lived together in their unified home. Since I lived under the family structure they advocate, I will sometimes ask them: would you trade childhoods with me? They either say no or they don’t reply.

7.  I draw out these types of graphs when I'm at DCF, multiple moms/dads....

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Redefining Homophobia

After years talking about redefining marriage, I failed to note that we're also redefining homophobia.

That is what throws me off the most, that people think I'm hateful in the defense of marriage. I come from a pretty liberal background, and I see a lot of homophobia despite having gay marriage here in Massachusetts for over a decade.

What I notice the most is the casual use of homophobic slurs in young adults, while not directed towards homosexuals these words have no purpose in everyday 'put downs'. As I walk the street of Lowell, nothing is thought of another teenager who sees someone and calls them 'homo' across the street. It is common when a teenager is angry at a social worker to use the term 'f*gg*t' I thought these words would diminish, why aren't they? It isn't just homophobic slurs, but every possible profane word against minorities and women are just so casually used.

The article below is originally from 1992, and republish in 2000. I realize at the pace of society, this document seems out of date. It is telling how homophobia has been redefined. If you read many of the points, it mirrors Catholic Church teaching that we should not over-sexualize a person or see a person merely for their orientation. I don't agree with every point in the link, but there is a lot to note here. Also it makes reference while there should be some legal acknowledgment of same-sex relationships it is quite clear it isn't the same as marriage. There are a diverse number of types of relationships, not all sexual in nature that could benefit from a legal recognition.

Is one cause of premature sexual involvement, which increases the chances of teen pregnancy and the spread of sexually transmitted infections. Young people, of all sexual identities, are often pressured to become heterosexually active to prove to themselves and others that they are "normal." 
This is the biggest reason why I'm oppose individuals coming out as anything early as teenagers. Sometimes girls may not like 'girl colors'. They may not like makeup or doing their hair. I was/am still on of these girls!  I wear mostly gray, brown, and black. I purchased a yellow and gray shirt, and my children couldn't get over that I was wearing color!

Just imagine the middle school health teacher guessing who is gay and who isn't. Sometimes I hear social workers speak about adolescents, stating that they may be gay based on their presentation of clothes/likes.  Not sure how to respond, I think they want to be ready/prepared if a teen wants to express it. Generally speaking, there was a situation in which teenager was assumed to be gay by his older/younger siblings and tease him as a 'homo', because he liked to read and was quiet.... Being gay, is sort of 'acting white' in particular cultural groups.

Stop it with the gaydar and speculation of one's orientation leads to gossip. If someone has someone special in their life they will tell you, you don't have to ask if they are seeing anyone. Don't set people up or feel sorry for single people. People know what they like and don't like in a person.
Prevents some LGBT people from developing an authentic self identity and adds to the pressure to marry, which in turn places undue stress and often times trauma on themselves as well as their heterosexual spouses, and their children.
Guess what twenty years later.... we can pressure you to marry now.

Otherwise I'm totally blindsided, how someone like myself who isn't homophobic is now condemned by society as falsely being one. The past few years have been surreal, and only will become more confusing.

Sunday, June 22, 2014

Answer Me This

Catholic All Year


When's the last time you got a new bathing suit?

Two years ago. 

2. Who made the last incoming call on your phone?

My mother-in-law

3. If you receive communion, do you receive it in the hands or on the tongue?

Hands, unless I was holding a baby.

4. Do you have a tattoo?


5. How many dinner plates are in your house?

Eight. We use the salad plates for dinner, for portion control

6. Do you have an accent?

Heavy Boston 

Lowell Police Department Traffic Enforcement PSA:

Added link: My post "Paternity & Matrimony Linked"

Thursday, June 19, 2014

7QT DCF, the Pelletier's, and Deval Patrick...

Seven Quick Takes at
1. My controversial post on Justina Pelletier had a few hits this week. This was written in February, where I talk about my own DCF experience.
2. To follow up, the local media all covered her coming home. The father went on a rant how she was abused/tortured, that brought up Deval Patrick (Massachusetts' Governor) potential run for President in 2016. Earlier this year they harassed him (approached him) in the state house with video recording the incident. The two state legislators (who I usually like) had tried to pushed for the a resolution in the state house and planned rallies and prayer vigils.
Totally politically orchestrated by GOP operatives here.
3. But she's home? Yes, because they worked with DCF and followed the service plan. Her older sister obnoxious tweets/post mention this, in between posting how evil the state is.

"One problem with the parents' narrative, as they appeared on the Dr. Phil (YouTube link) show, is that they point to her condition before DCF took custody, when she was skating and apparently doing fine, to her condition after DCF took custody, where she is in a wheelchair and unable to walk. The implication is that DCF and BCH's actions led to her trouble walking. However, as reported by the Boston Globe:
They were making the white-knuckled trip from Connecticut because 14-year-old Justina wasn’t eating and was having trouble walking. Just six weeks earlier, the girl had drawn applause at a holiday ice-skating show near her home in West Hartford, performing spins, spirals, and waltz jumps.
But now Justina’s speech was slurred, and she was having so much trouble swallowing that her mother was worried her daughter might choke to death.

She was clearly in a poor state before BCH even became involved in her case. That was the whole reason she was taken, by ambulance, to Boston Children's. Inconsistencies like this certainly do not help the credibility of their case, nor have their frequent media appearances assisted in efforts to transfer Justina's care to a more comfortable setting, let alone her own home."
4. OK. OK. Stay positive.
5. The house is relatively clean.
6. School is over.
7. Took the kids to BJs, and now the fridge is fill with junk food.

Trying to be positive despite the tears

"Your mother and your father matter, how they parent together matters. #March4Marriage in our homes and community, not just media." I tweeted this today using my real name. NOM retweeted.... And boom! Check out @reneeaste's Tweet:

Too angry at the crap wrongly spewed at me today. Overwhelmed by the powerful lobby and their media.
I admit I cried.

Monday, June 16, 2014

Paternity and Matrimony Linked

This post is in reference to Paternity and Maternity Unlinked
This past weekend on social media, dozens of friends posted personal posts/reflections of their own fathers. Despite Nancy Pelosi lecturing the Archbishop of San Francisco not to march for marriage, simply the relationship between your mother and father matters. We all have a story. We will be told by politicians, the media, and by the 1% that marriage isn't about this connection, the two halves that make you... You. Instead marriage as an abstract love is love, with no connection to a concrete understanding.
We have been and will be told that marriage wasn't about public policy to promote stability of the family, but a civil contract between two adults and legal benefits.  Marriage rates have declined, but we understand even without words or policy the significance that links our mother to our father.

“It’s especially about connecting that baby to where he or she came from: the mother and the father… There is no other institution that does that.”

Sunday, June 15, 2014

Fathers are not sperm donors, and mothers are not breeders.

While I'm thrilled with the multitude of conversations that  fathers are extremely important, I regret to write something less then positive. My anger isn't against the couple, but the doctors and law makers that make this perfectly acceptable to deny a child its mother.

5 Dads Dish on Parenting in Boston

.After the amazing experience of being in the room while our surrogate was having a scheduled C-section and all the emotions that go along with those precious moments, I remember being in the room with Gio and just holing him in my arms. It was so surreal—and still is when I look at our son, that he is truly ours, and that we have this voluntary responsibility to nurture and care for this little guy forever.
What has surprised you most about fatherhood?That our society and culture is still in a transitional period when they hear that we are raising Gio as a two father family unit. It shocks many people that he does not have a mother. I am confident that the nurturing and love we surround him with is all that he needs. All I say to everyone is that it boils down to the human being that will nurture a child regardless of gender, beliefs etc.

No. It shocks people that the law allows our bodies to be contracted out for money for the purposes of creating a child, as if the child was a customized product.  It shocks people that a mother can sell offspring and a woman can rent out her womb and voluntarily walk away from her responsibility for compensation. The child is denied the right to grieve for the lost of his mother.

The shock isn't that the couple is two men, but rather the denial of the mother. The same shock occurs when a man and woman use a surrogate/donor eggs/sperm. The shock applies equally. The doctors are not engaging in medicine, they are not treating infertility they are using other people fertility to create a child that is preemptively denied all rights to know and be raise and loved by paternal and maternal kin. What they are engaged in is human trafficking, it doesn't matter how much a couple may love and nurture the child, half of what that is is denied to that child intentionally for money.

*Biological kinship is important, that if a child can not be raised by his/her biological parents, I have no issue with a gay aunt/uncle raising their nieces and nephews. 

Friday, June 13, 2014

7QT Quickly Done

More 7QT Here

1. Last minute I decided to partake, just had a few thoughts this evening.

2. (Child) Mom, why is there a Market Basket carriage in the (Merrimack) river?

(Me)Because it's Lowell.

3.(Me) I can't believe his song is 25 years old.

(Child) I can tell, because I'm not enjoying it.

4. My post on politicians at parades.

5. The song I was referencing wasn't that "unbelievable", but it is only 23 years old.

6. Read a Tweet..." Soccer was invented for the exhaustion of children. "

7. Not my photo, but I knew a photo of a grocery cart on the Merrimack River would be out there.

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Politicians are No Fun at a Parade

The Pride Parade is happening this Saturday and two items caught my attention. 

1. Many politicians can not make it to the Pride Parade, because of the State's Democratic Convention and Gubernorial Candidates need their delegates to obtain the 15% threshold.  I do not think they will be missed, despite what gay activists claim to be in an "uproar" on the thoughtless scheduling. 

Best comment though was "Welcome LGBT community to the real world. There are conflicts in scheduling. No one group is the center of the universe. I bet some people won't be there because they are going to a wedding or a graduation party this weekend too."

2. A photo retrospective of the past Pride Parades here in Boston. In one of the photos (slide 11") was this caption "Jay Wang (left) and James Oh chatted during the event. Wang is still deciding if he’ll march with QAPA (Queer Asian Pacific Alliance) on Saturday in the Boston Pride parade. Oh said he noticed that the parade was getting calmer every year with the influx of political figures."

Also I didn't know the the Pride Parade was around since 1970 here in Boston. 

Unless it is a parade based on a civic holiday, politicians should voluntary NOT walk as an elected official. Key point I said voluntary and that doesn't include if they were marching with non-political group. I'm NOT saying to legally ban them from cultural events, simply politicians are no fun at a parade. 

Saturday, June 7, 2014

Answer Me This

Catholic All Year
1. Do you have a land line?
Yes. Since 2000. We keep it for the children and because of the number. 
2. What is your least favorite food?
Poorly cook pork chops and canned peas. Seriously, my mother made them into leather. Canned peas of mush. I like pea soup, though made from dried peas.
3. What's on your summer reading list?
Nothing. I should get "Something Other Then God". 
4. Is there something that people consistently ask for your advice on? What is it?
Legal Advice and even if my advice was good, I can't give it because of my inactive status as a lawyer. I just refer you to the lawyer's referral hotline and advise you to be a good client.
5. What's the most physically demanding thing you've ever done?
Can't think of anything. Boy am I lazy. I walk a lot though. I could say birth, but that is natural.
6. How do you feel about massages?
Never had one. Never needed one, 

Average cost of a wedding.

The #average #cost of a #wedding is rising, but only because the unmarried #poor no longer #marry. #marriage #poverty.

Friday, June 6, 2014

7QT The Weight of Obligation

More 7QT at Jen's Conversion Story
The Weight of Obligation runs from #4 through #7 below and ongoing discussion on understanding marriage. 

1. "You have parents and your parents have parents, these are your grandparents who also have parents, your great-grandparents. "

2. Making the Case for Why Dads Matter (NBC) 
"Of all the data you looked at, what stood out to you as the most remarkable influence fathers have on their children?"
That’s a toughie, but here’s one that I thought was interesting and surprising: you might think that fathers don’t have too much influence on their children during pregnancy. But it turns out, that when fathers are not involved in the pregnancy, or at least they’re not involved with their partner who is pregnant, the risks to the child are much higher.
Read to know why no government program can replace a father.

3.  Boys of Divorced Parents Twice as Likely to Be Obese (TIME)
 Previous studies have hinted that parents might become less strict about healthy lifestyles—allowing children more screen time or to eat when they weren’t hungry, for example—as a way to curry favor with the kids or out of guilt. As to why it hits boys harder? Again, it’s largely speculation, but they tend to have fewer mechanisms for expressing their feelings and often lose a male role model and are therefore more vulnerable when families dissolve.
4. "Which (type of) marriage?" An ongoing conversation with Mr. Lynne which connects to #5, #6, and #7. 

5. Marriage's current cultural mode is discussed in terms of a profession of love with no consideration of children as an outcome to sexual behavior. We know children are deeply affected whether or not their mom and dad love one another. If the relationship is poor that child is affected. So the behavior/love between a man and woman should carry the understanding  there are obligations to a child, prior to having sex.

It is OK to say this. It is also OK due to the obligation we have for children, to make this really important in our society that this relationship is seen differently and not the same as others.

6. You want to laugh at me. I understand. I grew up with the complete separation of sexuality from babies, too.

Done laughing? OK, read #7.

7. For those who just laughed. 

The push for "agamy" isn't out of acceptance of gays. We can accept the gay community without throwing away marriage, but "agamy" under the presentation of equality and freedom allows people who engage in heterosexual behavior to ignore their the weight of their own obligation that comes with sexual activity. 

You just need to pop the your personal bubble to see it. 

And that is where the evil comes from, not gay people. It comes from our willful ignorance of knowledge and to pass along that ignorance as and promote that ignorance as good.

From the Washing Post "A modern Pope goes old school on the Devil" 
(Pope Francis) warned those gathered on that chilly morning to be vigilant and not be fooled by the hidden face of Satan in the modern world. “Look out because the Devil is present,” he said. 
Don't be fooled by our comforts.

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

It is all the same when it comes to politics. The rich will succeed.

Later that day in Boston. " about 200 people, mostly women, attended the event. Democratic officials said tickets ranged from $500 per person to $32,400 per couple. The event was held at the InterContinental hotel near the city's waterfront."

Why didn't they use that money to help the single moms struggling with lack of affordable childcare?

Monday, June 2, 2014

Woman can succeed, but...

This is frustrating
I want women to succeed, and yet I don't feel any part of the sisterhood within the Democratic Party. Why do I sympathize with programs that help men, more so then women?
Can't we say women and men should succeed together?
Due to scheduling, I didn't make it downtown. But this was political rally for women, who do not get help from their own fathers and the fathers of their children.
It reminds from two decades earlier courting the soccer mom vote. Politicians turn voters into consumers, and market specific issues the neatly benefit them.
WomenSucceed is restating the 77% myth comparing male and female income, and doesn't speak in how men can help the mother of his children when speaking about the stress of being a single mom.

ETA: From Instapundit “To connect with women voters, the DCCC launched our 2014 ‘ROSIE’ Model. Inspired by Rosie the Riveter, the ROSIE (Reengaging Our Sisters In Elections) Model identifies and helps to turn out unmarried women who are most likely to drop-off in midterm elections. We have already begun engaging these potential drop-off voters in a conversation about how this election matters for their lives,” states the memo.

Nothing wrong with reaching, BTW. The question is the narrative. 

"Which (type of) Marriage?"

So I was having a TMI conversation with my daughter on fertility, and I try to connect out back to understanding relationships.

"Most people think marriage is obsolete, but I still believe in it"

"Which (type of ) marriage?"

When explaining the differences between anthropological marriage and the legal confusion in our laws, I stay away from identifing orientation. I will say adult view point or child view point. 

I thought it was interesting not to assume anything.

Sunday, June 1, 2014

"Answer Me This"

Catholic All Year's Answer Me This

1. Do you have a smart phone?

Yes, for about three years. I used it often, because our family computer is extremely old. But not so much, now we have wi-fi and a tablet. We still have a boxed shape TV and no cable/satellite. 

2. Which is your favorite meal of the day?
I like breakfast foods, but rarely eat. I just eat whenever. 

3. Shower or bath?
Shower. Can't remember the last time I had a bath. 

4. Think of a person you love. How many days have you been in love with that person? (Don't worry, this site will do the math for you. And, hey, now you can order this card!)

Almost half my life at this point.

5. What's the best church you've ever been inside?

My own parish. I don't know. I don't get out side the neighborhood or travel. 

6. Happy Feast of the Visitation! Has anyone ever come to help YOU?

Not recently, but I've been lucky and not stuck in a jam.