Friday, February 28, 2014

7QT I've written enough and frustrated.

More 7QT over at Jen's Conversion Diary

1. I've written enough. Haven't you?

2. I written a pretty controversial post, it would probably anger most here. But I'm Catholic, I'm not a conservative or liberal Catholic. Just Catholic and I had to speak up on something that has been spreading through the pro-Life online community.
"No online petition of social media outrage would affect the decision making process. Judges look at the facts and the law, they don't look at social media outrage that lacks the full context..."
Sorry, that probably upset some people.

3. Does anyone care about Saint Patrick? It's a Catholic Feast Day, it's not just about being Irish. Saint Patrick wasn't Irish.

4. Great discussion over at Alexandria, it seems no one can really legally define marriage.
I guess I would describe myself as being pro-LGBT needs, but I’m also an advocate for pro-heterosexual needs as well. Sometimes needs in our relationships are the same, but other times they are significantly different.
Marriage addressed one of those differences, getting pregnant from sex and raising children. Most people see it differently.

5. No parameters.
"I like Twitter, but it came be a hostile place where there is no conversation and throwing slurs back and forth. People may retweet your posting/link in agreement of an idea, and an hour later you have some random guy calling you a troll."

6. Coffee shops intimidate me. "I would be standing at the counter not knowing what to order."

7. This creation has been lying in our toy room for a few days, it scares me at night.

Thursday, February 27, 2014

Does anyone care about Saint Patrick?

You know he wasn't Irish.

From March 17, 2007
Up On Christian Hill
I thought it was important to post this, because with the secularization of green beer and leprechauns of the Patron Saint of Ireland. People think just because they are of Irish decent they have the right to celebrate this Saint's Feast Day. I have no problem with people enjoying a boiled dinner, who are neither Irish or Catholic, but I do have a problem if someone wants to distort what Irish Catholics are celebrating. They are celebrating Ireland's conversion to Catholicism and nothing else.
Seven years later....

Mayor Walsh is attempting to have the organizors have groups that do not represent Church teaching on homosexuality. You can be gay and Catholic. Yes, you can. But now we have politicians openly trying to push a Feast Day parade to represent something that isn't about the Feast Day.

Wait...

No mention of Catholicism or Saint Patrick in the article or in the comments.

There are no parameters.

Nine years ago, and one of the reasons I started to blog was to set parameters on what I said on other people's blog. If I had something to say, I should get my own blog. If I wanted to comment on their blog, I had to remember I was their guest. Their blog, their rules. No matter how restrictive or lack of desiring for a different view, it was their blog. They could control the conversation.

Then came along social media. We had our Facebook profiles, but then it became a feed. It was no longer someone else's profile, it became MY feed. So if someone posted something I disagree with on another person's post, all of their friends could see my comment. And once it ended up for a headache for the person, who obviously couldn't 'pick sides'. 12 hours later, I sent that person a private message and apologized for overstepping my comments outside of my own posts and into hers.

Now there is Twitter. I like Twitter, but it came be a hostile place where there is no conversation and throwing slurs back and forth. People may retweet your posting/link in agreement of an idea, and an hour later you have some random guy calling you a troll.

There are no parameters.

Culture Wars: It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt -Elizabeth Scalia
I have reveled in the fast-paced give-and-take of the internet for many years, but increasingly, no one is listening to anyone. There is no more give-and-take, there is only take-and-shove-down
Just earlier this week, I was commenting on internet personality Tyler Oakley,
Recently a member of One Direction tweeted that he was a fan of Duck Dynasty, and Oakley in a very public way on Twitter stated he wasn't even open to have a discussion with others who may have a difference of opinion.

He also told his fans that if someone you know on Facebook like Chick-fil-a, that you should unfriend them. He makes his fans choose. If anything crosses Oakley, he uses his popularity to isolate and destroy others that idea instead of having a discussion about it.

That's not a friend, that's someone who wants to control you and shame you in public. Friends don't do that.

If Tyler and Liam really were friends, Oakley wouldn't go on Twitter. Instead a friend would pick up the phone and speak directly about their differences. Apparently everything is settled, but something that could of been settled without the misrepresentations online.
For Lent, I'm going to pick up the phone/visit face to face and talk and listen to people more.

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Evidence of Social Media Outrage



A troll? Shame? I share a different point of view with links and information relevant to the law at hand.

Does this person realize I'm a fellow Christian trying to help my community?

Please understand I'm not commenting on the specific case. The specific case is not my business or anyone else's. If anyone wants to talk in general how to weigh the balances in handling cases, specifically when parents want to take their situation to in the media vs. the courtroom I'm willing to have that conversation.

Maybe if only initials were used by the press, and the media hid the identity of the parents maybe I would feel differently. We try legal matters in courts, not on Twitter with name calling.

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Petitions by means of social media outrage.

Update June 17 2014 This is a criticism of us on social media.

I'm not arguing against anyone's right to petition the government, I'm just stating that a petition by social media outrage isn't a legal argument made in court.

I've already written about my involvement with DCF a year ago, mostly about the preservation of the family.

In recent weeks there has been a growing petition for Justina Pelletier from her family. I don't know the details of the case, and even if I did would definitely wouldn't be writing a post about DCF.

But I can't keep quiet. I'm frustrated.

From that post in March 2013
In Foster Care Review, a meeting takes place every six months to address the needs of the child and the permanent goal for the family. The majority of the cases I see are not physical/sexual abuse, rather substance abuse or mental health issues in which parents are incapable of doing the day to day functions of caring for their children. (I will discuss this in a later posting) There will be determinations made based on who is and isn't fulfilling their responsibilities to the child, and well as progress to the goals.

Again I don't know the details, and I can't imply one way or another.

So there is this petition for Justina on Facebook? But for what? We already have a legal process for families involved with DCF, parents and children get their own attorneys that are specially trained specifically for DCF representation. An attorney has to apply for this type training, it is intense and requires that the attorney abides by CPCS standards. If you look into the link, you also realize there is an appeals process too!

So why did the parents of Justina Pelletier seek outside counsel from a partisan lobby group?
"Inside the courthouse, two high-profile attorneys, Mat Staver of Liberty Counsel and David Gibbs of the National Center for Life and Liberty, were on hand to fight the gag order applied by Judge Joseph Johnston on Nov. 7, 2013."
This isn't about addressing public policy in how a 51A is filed and handled by the DCF, this seems to be about politics.

No online petition of social media outrage would affect the decision making process. Judges look at the facts and the law, they don't look at social media outrage that lacks the full context of the child involved. But in the mean time work with the law, don't start a riot attacking our legal system that provides ample opportunity for families involved with DCF to defend themselves and get their children back.


Is anyone offering any ideas, that may prevent a family from flipping out over a 51A and calling 911?

No.

I notice the MassGOP and otherwise social conservative outlets really playing this up, igniting fear and disgust with not DCF, but with Massachusetts. Is this a way to indirectly go after Deval Patrick, who 'maybe' run for President in 2016?

Dear Republicans, Pro-life, and Faith based organizations, Do you realize how many Christians assist with being foster parents? Quite a few.

Dear Republicans, Pro-life, ad Faith based organizations, Do you realize how many Churches (like my own) may help out an agency, like DCF with gifts at Christmas?
Quite a few.

Now, I'm no fan of the Democratic Party. But exactly what are you doing to improve DCF, other then a scare mongering your voter base that the state wants to "kidnap" your child and "detain" the child to "confined" spaces?

Gag orders are rare, but when you have Lou Pelletier stating
“I'm going to make sure the world comes down on this state,”
Again you could get the whole world to shame the judge and it won't affect the outcome of the case, whatever that may be. There is an article on gag orders and Juvenile Courts, from Fostering Media Connections here.

I should note it seems that Rev. Patrick Mahoney, who is pushing for this social media outrage has done good in the past.

Added June 2014: It seems the Pelletier's are working with DCF and the service plan and Just in a will return home.



Cold day in Lowell without coffee.

7 Posts, 7 Days with Jen's Conversion Diary.

I was downtown yesterday with two hours between meetings, I took a walk despite the cold and wind. Surprisingly it was a lot busier then one would expect Lowell could be. The dance shop was closing, so I stopped in to make a few purchases. Hard to see go, considering one of the few things we buy are dances shoes/wear.

Brew'd Awaking intimidates me, but happy to see it crowded with people at noon time. I would be standing at the counter not knowing what to order. Wait a moment, Dunkin Dounts intimidates me.

That's right. Dunkin Donuts intimidates me. The anxiety of what to order. It's not just anxiety, but also thrift and budget we use our own coffee pot. Only on long car trips, it seems. But still I would be in line and really not knowing what to order, anxiety.

Last time I drank alcohol in public was over two years ago, but I would know what to order! Coffee? No idea.

Wait... I just saw Brew'd Awaking's menu!

Guess what they have on the menu???

Coffee. Just plain coffee.

Maybe I will stop by, just when it is less busy so I won't embarrass myself.

Sorry Brew'd Awaking, I've just read way too many White Whines on Coffee in recent years.

My Apologies.

What did I have to drink? I had bottle water that I brought with me from home.

Monday, February 24, 2014

Paternity and Matrimony Unlinked

7 Posts, 7 Days with Jen's Conversion Diary.

You can positively do something about this. Read the bottom of the post.



This is a photo from a Massachusetts Continuing Legal Education booklet, clearly showing we can't treat different situations in the same manner. This is the world, we all now live in. Get use to it. Good news is that biological kinship still matters, even if we can't it express in the context of marriage. We know to be careful to link biological kinships with marriage, you may lose some friends or mislabeled and taunted as an ignorant bigot. Yes, Kinship charts could be deemed offensive, depending on the social setting.

We can let people know the joys and needs of biological kinship, despite whatever Hollywood or markets researchers preach to their audience. Massachusetts and the U.S. Government still cares about biological kinship, but due to current legal restraints we can't reference it to marriage. But "marriage" matters, funny now I'm using it in quotation marks.

Fathers are equally important as mothers, an understanding the majority of Americans still believe. If they didn't believe this, there wouldn't be a show called Paternity Court. Biological kinship matters, in the same old fashion antiquated way we use to say marriage matters. But when say "marriage is obvious", we have to remember it isn't. "Marriage" isn't obvious. Too many do not trust or believe in the institution. That's a real problem.

Marriage is at its lowest rates, and public policy is in a conondrum on what to do about. Hard to believe that the government actually cares, considering what is being done to marriage in our federal courts and attorney generals are refusing to enforce their state's laws. But it does, I'm serious it does.

“Fatherhood Initiatives:
Connecting Fathers to Their Children
Carmen Solomon-Fears
Specialist in Social Policy
January 28, 2014″


See the date and year? It says, 2014. This year. Last month!
"In 2013, almost 25% of families with children (under age 18) were maintained by mothers. In 2013, 32% of the 35.0 million families with children (under age 18) were maintained by one parent;1 this figure is up from 10% in 1970. Most of the children in these single-parent families were being raised by their mothers; in 2013, 77% of single-parent families were mother-only families and 23% were father-only families.2 According to some estimates, about 60% of children born during the 1990s spent a significant portion of their childhood in a home without their biological father. Research indicates that children raised in single-parent families are more likely than children raised in two-parent families (with both biological parents) to do poorly in school, have emotional and behavioral problems, become teenage parents, and have poverty-level incomes as adults.3 Nonetheless, it is widely acknowledged that most of these mothers, despite the added stress of being a single parent, do a good job raising their children. That is, although children with absent fathers are at greater risk of having the aforementioned problems, most do not experience them. In hopes of improving the long-term outlook for children in single-parent families, federal, state, and local governments, along with public and private organizations, are supporting programs and activities that promote the financial and personal responsibility of noncustodial fathers to their children and reduce the incidence of father absence in the lives of children.
Compelling state interest right? Yes.

A change in our marriage biological kinship culture will not happen overnight, any real change will happen over generations. Write to your elected officials, even the really liberal progressive ones that disagree with you on marriage. I wrote to Senator Elizabeth Warren citing articles like this one and received a positive response.

Saturday, February 22, 2014

The World Domination of Tyler Oakley

I rewatched Frontline's Generation Like, which featured Tyler Oakley as a segment. This time I was watching it with my oldest child, and she was turned off by him immensely. Twerking in front of a crowd of One Direction fans, as they scream for his acknowledgement, and echoing his want for World Domination in a meeting with marketers. He uses his platform to garner fame and attention, and in return advertisers utilize that attention for product placement. As described in his Youtube page, "I'm basically a Profressional Fangirl"

Was it just us?

No.

Am I the only gay man who finds Tyler Oakley extremely annoying?
Maybe it's because he throws his stereotypical gay self out there to make all these annoying tween girls squeal and wish he was straight, but it just grinds my teeth!

Why does a a man in his mid-20s have the same obsessive unhealthy interests as a 13 year old girl? I think obsessing over musicians/bands in general is way too much whether it be One Direction or the Hunger Games. I'm thinking Elizabeth Scalia's Strange Gods,"It is not a bad thing to want to be loved. Even a certain amount of ego and pride is not the worst thing. But left unchecked, they can enslave us." Tyler Oakley's ego is left unchecked. Scalia's references to the movie, Moonstruck on page 16 fits into how ego and vanity can't fulfill a person.

I find despite his popularity, Oakley can be insecure. Recently a member of One Direction tweeted that he was a fan of Duck Dynasty, and Oakley in a very public way on Twitter stated he wasn't even open to have a discussion with others who may have a difference of opinion.

He also told his fans that if someone you know on Facebook like Chik-fil-a, that you should unfriend them. He makes his fans choose. If anything crosses Oakley, he uses his popularity to isolate and destroy others that idea instead of having a discussion about it.

That's not a friend, that's someone who wants to control you and shame you in public. Friends don't do that.

If Tyler and Liam really were friends, Oakley wouldn't go on Twitter. Instead a friend would pick up the phone and speak directly about their differences. Apparently everything is settled, but something that could of been settled without the misrepresentations online.





Friday, February 21, 2014

7QT Not in my feed? You don't exist.

More Quick Takes at Jen's Conversion Diary.

1. My post on Frontline's Genlike.
"Sure a few of these teens are getting thousands of views and hundreds of likes, but they aren’t cultivating and creating anything. For over a decade where I live, we talked about artists and the future of the creative economy. I don’t see it with youth culture. It’s an ‘attention economy’, as described in the program.

We have too many teens within who think one day they will be famous by rapping out a few profanities on their cell phone and uploading it to YouTube."
People don't search, we just like/share. If it isn't in our social media feed, it doesn't exist.

2. Marriage and Vomit My post in response to Ross Douthat's Parental Pity Party.
"It is one thing to be single, and then combine financial assets as a married couple. Mine becomes ours. It doesn’t matter if you come into the marriage with student debt and a degree in your early 20s or later in your mid-30s with an established career and salary. But it is another situation to live together and view finances separately, in which no consideration is taken how your spending affects your partner.

This is where cohabitation, even if it leads to marriage can blur the lines for the couple. "
3. I watch Paternity Court, whenever I have a chance. It comes on at 3pm where I live, and I can't watch it because the children are home from school. I also love the tweets from Twitter on it.

4. Without marriage, the government has no choice but to become more involved with families.

Right now I can't remember where I found this, but it was from a U.S. Government site.

5. Why social programs alone, don't work. I consider myself a fiscal moderate in social spending, as long as social spending doesn't indirectly affect the weakening of the family.
Family problems experienced in childhood and adolescence affect brain development
It found that those who experienced mild to moderate family difficulties between birth and 11 years of age had developed a smaller cerebellum, an area of the brain associated with skill learning, stress regulation and sensory-motor control.
6. This tweet explains where I live.

7. Next 7QT I promise to actually have something Catholic in it.

Saturday, February 15, 2014

Decade in Blogging (VI)


Up On Christian Hill
Saturday, March 14, 2009
When life was a given


While my daughter was at ballet class, I stopped in at the local Market Basket to pick up a few items. I wasn’t rushing, but I knew what I needed and was moving along. An older man, well over the age of retirement wearing a green Market Basket smock striked up a conversation as we were both going to the express lane, mentioning how quick I was. I informed I had four kids, so I make most of my time when I’m without them.

“Don’t you have a TV?” He asked.

I know this is a common saying from older people, prior to the Pill, my uncle told me after our third child that we liked sex a lot, but not as much as him who had seven. I told the older worker we didn’t have cable though. He them went on to talk about his own sex life.

To find out he was one of 14 children, but when he was married his wife couldn’t get pregnant while all of his sisters kept on having babies. Every time his wife found out, she would cry. Eventually she got pregnant, had a miscarriage, but only to find out she was still pregnant afterwards apparently a case of vanishing twin syndrome. They had a second child ten years later.

Then he told me a story of a town that had lots of children, and no one knew why the town was so fertile. To find out there was a train that passed through at 5am that woke everyone up, and since it was too early to start the day and there was no morning news at the time people were left with few options.

Why am I telling you this?

When sex is always presented in procreation form, open to life, it isn’t dirty and no need to be discreet.

When sex is open to life it’s always beautiful to be shared and express, even in sadness of miscarriage and infertility, and even with strangers.

Born in the late 70s and one of two, and now simply an only child since my brother’s passing I knew no one in school who came from a large family, a few with three, and many whose parents were divorced. Everyone was planned and family size reduced for material benefit. Sex education wasn’t present to learn and understand to value our fertility, but rather systematically suppress it at all costs.

We as planned children though at times weren’t seen as human beings; instead we were another want like an SUV or another status symbol for parents to brag about our accomplishments whether be artistic, academic, or athletic. Well, I don’t play a musical instrument, can’t throw a ball, don’t know calculus, and probably the grammar in this note stinks. I’m a eugenics nightmare, never mind I’m a carrier for cystic fibrosis with a family history of heart disease, stroke, and breast cancer.

I only knew of one large family in the neighborhood. They had eight, but all of their children were much older then my brother and myself. The lived in a ranch with no addition, not even a garage. The youngest was in high school when I was a girl, the second youngest baby sat on many of occasions. Now with four children, we get a range of comments. Either people get argumentative that you should have stopped a long time age or people tell stories much like this older gentleman. Sex being open to life should be a given whether it be 14 or two.

Felt the need to share myself.

Friday, February 14, 2014

"Fantasies and Ovulation"

Someone searched this term, and found this post here.

"Contraception does more then prevent pregnancy, it prevents a lot of other things apparently."

Friday, February 7, 2014

7QT The Rights of Children to Kinship

More Quick Takes at Jen's Conversion Story

1. Nice Commentary from the Boston Globe on the UN's response to the Vatican on UNCRC
"Analysis: By wading into culture wars, UN may muddy its message on child protection http://b.globe.com/1c5UlMd "
The United States has not ratified the UNCRC, themselves.

2. From the UNCRC
"The Convention acknowledges that every child has certain basic rights, including the right to life, his or her own name and identity, to be raised by his or her parents within a family or cultural grouping, and to have a relationship with both parents, even if they are separated."
3. In Massachusetts children ONLY have this right, if they are naturally conceived. If paternity is in questioned, their can be a petition within out courts EXCEPT if your are conceived by contract with an sperm/egg/surrogacy.

Paternity establishment means more than having a father on the child’s birth certificate or obtaining an order for child support. Once paternity is established, a child gains legal rights and privileges. Other benefits of establishing paternity include:

giving the child rights to inheritance
access to the father’s medical and life insurance benefits
eligibility for social security and veteran’s benefits
giving the child a better chance to develop a relationship with the father
giving the child a sense of identity and connection to both sides of the family

4. It sounds like a 'no brainer' considering that paternity is still assumed within marriage, that the basic function of the government acknowledge the concept of marriage was to encourage parental involvement. Because children have the right to both parents. Straightforward and objective. Right? No.

5.If marriage within public policy meant marriage was about heterosexual behavior that lead to the needs of children, then marriage was distinctively heterosexual in nature. Everyone has a mom and dad. If we didn't, then why are their paternity tests? And for about a decade now, our culture has tried to shame anyone who acknowledges this as an ignorant hateful bigot if we try to connect the needs of the child to the concept of marriage.

6. But tens plus years after Goodridge, even Massachusetts laws know heterosexual and homosexual relationships can not be treated the same. Here is a listing from MCLE on Family Law products.



7. We say they're equal only in the most superficial sense, but we treat them differently. Not out of hate, but out of reality.

Obviously paternity tests can not be applied to a lesbian couple. Neither of them can be the father, or even a legal father. In fairness paternity tests can not be used by a heterosexual couple/woman who uses sperm donation as well. It isn't equal application of the law, that to this day Massachusetts can't avoid the objectivity that a child has a mom and dad, what we have is an exception in which if a child is conceived by contract the child loses these rights.

I think it is really unfair that parents seeking this solution think of themselves and not what their children will think. It is a normal reaction for a person to want to know where they come from. Ancestry, medical history, etc. The half of me that I took for granted I knew all along was wrong. I have been calling the hospital she went to, calling doctors that could possible be hers, etc and it's like pulling teeth to get info that should be readily available. Frankly, it's unacceptable. If theres any medical records that SHOULD be kept, I think information of donors is one of them. Unfortunately, I'm going to spend a lot of money on a private detective to get information that should be available to me as my birthright.

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

America stop listening to Coca-Cola

My entire post is over at Alexandria

Atlanta, Georgia where Coca-Cola Headquarters is located ranks #7 in the highest number of single parent households. 60% of the children are raised by a single mom. It also has the highest income inequality gap of all cities.

Actually America isn’t diverse at all. We”re segregated and gentrified on numerous levels of race, income, and family structure. Affluent heterosexual college educated white people love this commercial, because it makes them feel so diverse and feel so good about themselves when they gloat how wonderful the Coca-Cola commercial is.

I actually haven’t seen the commercial.

So were there anyone with weight issues or taking insulin in the commercial?