Wednesday, September 24, 2014

So what creates stability for children? Not long lasting birth control.

How do we bridge socioeconomic concerns to the reality that having children isn't a cold-calculating process that can be planned out?

Children need love, not just organic vegetables and piano lessons.

When I was interviewed on my transition to Natural Family Planning last year, I brought up a conversation with my mother. Growing up she told me, I was lucky I was planned. I'm pretty sure if I was unplanned I would be loved just the same. We always had 'surprises' within our family from younger unmarried couples. My parents never judged them and being that my mother worked in a prenatal clinic of a Catholic hospital she saw a lot of life created in less then planned situation.

Over time I've witnessed the positive outcomes of unplanned pregnancies of young parents.Why? We helped the parents be parents. Sometimes they decided to marry, and sometimes they made the decision not to marry. Either way we helped parents be parents, no matter their age or marital status. We ideally believe in marriage, but that decision was up to the couple. In fact I celebrate when a couple 'calls off a wedding', because they saved themselves from divorce.

This may seem outrageous being that I'm huge promoter of marriage. Relationships and children come with this huge paradox, something very emotional, yet one can't have children with a person who handles money foolishly or isn't motivated to take care of themselves. Children are a natural outcome of sexual expression and love, and yet the day to day home-economics is anything but romantic.

Why was it 40 years ago a woman could marry at 18 and have children , stay in a loving marriage, and be relatively well-off with home ownership with a retirement account?

Today we have policy makers suggesting the only solution is to postpone marriage and children well into her late 20s?

Do people realize that our U.S. Constitution (written in 1787) understands that a 26 year old is mature enough to be seated in the House of Representatives, but we created  public policy that sees a 26 year old as barely an adult who may be dependent on their own parents in a very short period of time incapable of a decision to marry or be parent in desperate need of a free IUD?  

This doesn't have an evolution element to it, because it isn't like puberty is being postponed. I also highly doubt that young women are becoming so dumb, she doesn't have the maturity to be a loving mother. 

I firmly believe and understand that deciding vs. sliding into a relationship is a great idea, but more birth control doesn't give women more time to make a decision it just delays it. It gives a false sense of making a decision. It is analogous to moving in without a clear idea whether to marry or not and slide into marriage, because you both share mortgage to the condo anyways. You're already having sex with him, aren't you?

Birth control will NOT protect women from poor decision making or even help her make a decision, it just protects her from not having children with a man who may or may not be the person she should marry and have children with. 
I know. I've been there. Not judging, just sharing. 

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