Thursday, May 29, 2014

If one's mother matters, we shouldn't make an exception to that rule.

Follow up on " If one's father matters, we shouldn't make an exception to that rule.

Just as I can't deny my children their father, he can not deny that I'm their mother. 


So when I read on social media, that when two gay men raise a child that one of their brains are similar to a mother's doesn't sway my opinion on the family and marriage. If anything doesn't it imply that children really do need a mother and father, and that one's man brain is adapting to that lost?


What if I became a crack addict or died, and there was a legitimate reason for another adult to step in as a parent? 


That doesn't change maternal lost for my children, or the connection they should have on my side of the family. 


We can give social supports to children who have lost parents or have seen their parents break-up, but we really can never replace our parents. Love lost. 


Sometimes when I sit in Foster Care Review, you wonder if we just gave the parents all these supports prior to DCF involvement we wouldn't be here. Sadly, we may have parents who are more then willing to 'give up' on their kids seeing how many social supports they may qualify. Our goal whenever possible is to make parents, the best parent they can be. Sometimes a parent can be overwhelmed seeing how well their child may be doing in foster-care, something that parent didn't experience as a child. 


There is a public policy that instills the importance of one's father and mother and obligations that come with heterosexual behavior (both of you, not just one may become a parent), and yet culturally and with powerful legal exceptions we can't identify this ideal publicly and openly in our conversations without the false accusation of hate or that one is obsessed with homosexual acts. We carved out so many loopholes in our laws, that we can't figure out if Jason Patric is the father, even though he is the father! 


People give me hypotheticals time to time, but about this situation or that situation. But I'm consistent. Start with mother and father, if parents can not parent (death/incarceration/drugs/mental illness) we look at their kinship connections and start with an aunt or uncle on either the paternal or maternal side.


The question is "Are you kin"? You know... like family. 


How do we connect kin, by finding out who had coitus with who and make a kinship chart. 


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