Saturday, May 3, 2014

Adult Children's Differing Views of Their Parents

When I talk about Marriage from a Child's Point of View I usually mean as an adult child, and not when the child is too young to feel and understand the scope and dynamics of their parents' relationship. If there is a relationship at all. 

Warning two differing and polarizing views

For All the Good Moms and Dads (Melinda Selmys)
I'm gay, but I don't see any reason whatever to think that my parents are to blame. I'm the oldest of eight children. When I was growing up, my mother had an cross-stitch that she had made hanging beside the door as we exited our home. It showed a picture of a nest, and was accompanied by the words "There are two important gifts that we give our children. One is roots, the other is wings." My mother's entire parenting style is summarized in this simple proverb. Even though she was insanely busy when I was growing up (and she's still insanely busy now) I always knew that I was loved, that I was supported, that she was proud of me and that she was there for me no matter what I did, believed, or chose. Even though my father was busy trying to provide for a family of eight, I had a tremendous amount in common with him. We did things together, he recommended books to me, took me on skiing trips, and taught me how to build a deck. I'm close to all of my siblings, male and female. When I compare my relationships with my family to the relationships that my friends have with their families what stands out is not that my family of origin was lacking, but that it was exceptional. (my emphasis)
I am a new breed of bastard (Anonymousus)
I am a new breed of bastard, because I was not conceived within my father's marriage, I am not his daughter. I was intentionally 'donated' away. I know who he is now and I hate this identity that he and my parent(s) have given me. I am not worthy of my father's or my genetic paternal family's acknowledgement, love, care. I don't belong. I am an outsider. I bring shame to them. Sometimes I wish I never found out the truth of his identity. It would have been much easier if I did not care. I don't want to care anymore. The truth is too painful. Be careful for what you wish for. This is a terrible way to bring new life into the world. 

No comments:

Post a Comment