Wednesday, April 23, 2014

"Turned out Ok, but.."

I've follow "The Anonymous Us Project"
That is just cruel. I don't blame my mom for choosing a closed identity donor as the times were different back then but I'd be lying if I said that it didn't hurt. Not knowing who your father is, the man who is quite literally half of you, whether he is dead or alive, trying not to think of him during your teenage years because it wasted a lot of your time. Feeling angry at your mom yet not wanting to blame her. Looking back, I guess I had a huge identity crisis as a teenager.
Why is anonymous sperm donation allowed in Massachusetts, when paternity establishment is such a big deal.
Paternity establishment means more than having a father on the child’s birth certificate or obtaining an order for child support. Once paternity is established, a child gains legal rights and privileges. Other benefits of establishing paternity include:

giving the child rights to inheritance
access to the father’s medical and life insurance benefits
eligibility for social security and veteran’s benefits
giving the child a better chance to develop a relationship with the father
giving the child a sense of identity and connection to both sides of the family


  1. But it doesn't turn out OK. One of the young fatherless men I mentored finally had his father re-enter his life after 20+ years of abandonment. The young man had been so starved for fatherly love that when he finally met the guy, he went overboard with his expressions of love. It was simultaneously beautiful and tragic, like the dog who waits for years for his master to return.

    The guy came back, but I'm not sure how long he stayed. Meanwhile, the son suffered horrible, deep emotional and psychological wounds over decades wondering about his dad.

  2. And the media does report the issue, but as a community we seem immune to the problem.