Friday, March 28, 2014

7QT Life Long Connections & Broken Souls

More Quick Takes at Jen's Conversion Diary

1. Today I will be attending a workshop on Nurturing Fathers for DCF in their Lawrence office. My volunteering is one of the things that keeps my sanity when I'm constantly taken back on how we have given up on the family in out culture. In each foster care review, we ask if the child/teen/young adult has any 'life long connections'. For many, which seems to be fewer and fewer, it is what we call family and friends. Someone we could rely on if our car was at the mechanic. For many children their only connection is through an agency, someone paid by the government to be there for them. For DCF, this is something we try to avoid. Ultimately the goal if not just for the child to be independent but to have those life-long connections when they age out in their early 20s.

2. Homelessness seen hitting teen parents hard
"I grew up in a broken home, not just because there was no father, but because there was abuse of bodies and souls," Starkes said. "It was so difficult because no one on the outside knew."

Starkes said her mother also came from an unstable home. "She passed her brokenness to her children," she said.
3. What if the media reported the fatherless crisis and no one cared?
He wondered maybe we need to shout it on the rooftops, in fact it made him a little angry that we live in a world that just shrugs it shoulders.
I informed him, shouting it on the rooftops doesn't work. That's not how you share a vocation.

4. That’s not a traditional marriage.
Yes, the division of labor is polarized. Not ideal, but it what works for our family now. Dramatic shifts in employment situations happen with children, and sacrifices (often crappy) in career trajectories is one them. For some it may be working different shifts, or others a parent stays home.
Tradition is how the couple cooperates with one another fully no matter what, you're not roommates with similar interests.

60% of urban US and 40% of rural say 1 parent can do just as well as 2 together. Astonishes me: …- David Blankenhorn
Understanding the fatherless crisis, isn't about putting down mothers. It is about understanding a child's need. Saying a child need his/her fathers, isn't saying a single mother is horrible person. What we are saying let's work on the factors to encourage father participation.

6.Thoughts of a retiring pediatrician
He attributes the spike in social and emotional distress among children to the disintegration of the nuclear family.
“Unfortunately, there are so many kids now that are raised in fatherless homes,” he said. “The structure that provides nurturing healthy attitudes and healthy mental health is shaken. The really important institutions like family have just been ignored and crushed. It’s terrible.”
7. Confessions
I have a confession from two decades ago.

The best house to underage drink/party/whatever, was a home where the parents were going through a divorce.

Dad already moved out and mom out on a date.

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