Friday, January 24, 2014

7QT I need parenting advice.

More Quick Takes at Jen's Conversion Diary

1. I don't ususally talk about my children on 7QTs.

2. How do teach a child the importance of good study habits?

3. The child is a mule, who won't budge. I have done everything to make it easy for the child, but I can't physically force a child to study. I'm not going to read out loud or do the homework. I won't be there for the test, the child will be.

4. The teacher is aware of the situation, the teacher isn't going to check the child's bag every afternoon. The child is perfectly capable of writing down the homework assignment and putting the materials in the school bag.

5. The child isn't dumb. This isn't an academic issue. The child is perfect capable of As and Bs. We all have a bad day, so even and occasional 'below 70' doesn't bother us. We just want the child to study and do the homework.

6. Bribery works, I need to instill this value without bribes. It worked with the multiplication fact. I bought single serving glass bottle orange soda, and told the child he couldn't get the soda until the child came home with a grade of an 85 or higher on a math test.

7. Consequences (no tv/electronics) do not bother the child. The child is creative, the child can amuse himself with a paper clip.


  1. If your going to bribe anything, bribe for the results not the work leading up to the result. Thus bribe for good test scores, not studying the material. One need not think of it as bribery either - it's really operant conditioning. You can do it to yourself too. I used to make sure I went and got an ice cream or buy something nice right after I did well on tests in college. It helps.

  2. That is tough. It's hard to develop that internal motivation to do well. The only thing I can really think of is to help him see the big picture. Help him see how getting an A or B is better than just doing a bad job and getting a C when it comes to meeting his goals. Does he have any goals or is interested in anything? Could you somehow relate school to that thing he is interested in?

    1. I want to teach them the soft skill of just following through. . It's like brushing your teeth, changing your underwear, and eating vegetables. It's a foundation. You do your assigned work, whether you like it or not. Of course I sympathize with not liking with homework.

      The child is pretty good about using an alarm clock and getting dress in the morning for the age.

  3. Some suggestions from someone who has made lots of mistakes.

    Avoid anger. Relax and take the long view. Be consistent and let things evolve.

    Don't expect the kid to understand things, at least not at first. For children, things just happen. Houses are, food is, clothes are, etc. These things just exist. Don't expect them to understand your sacrifices.

    I made a big breakthrough when I changed my goal to getting them to make decisions the right way. I had been parenting to achieve results and so grades were the output. Instead, when decisions made properly were the output, it changed my relationship with my kids.

    Avoid anger. No, really. Anger gets in the way.

    The kid can amuse themselves with a paper clip? For how long? A month? Somewhere out there is the lever. Be patient and you'll find it. With my daughter, it was her social life.

    I've got more suggestions, but I've run out of time. God bless.

    1. The kid can amuse themselves with a paper clip?

      The same way a child use to be able to amuse himself with a stick!

      With limited access to the Hollywood Machine of Destroying All Virtue, my children have become very creative.

      Ok the website... is insane, and I don't agree with it. But yes... it was sent to me on Facebook and illustrates the fact I do my best to present my children with the best of civilization. It's not what I say 'no' to, but the multitude of choices we have to 'yes'.

    2. I missed the Grammys. I clicked around that site and then went to the one about Beyonce. Wow. That was pretty horrible. Maybe the next one can be held in Camden, NJ.

    3. I think people watched it knowing it would be train wreck.... who cares about the art of music .