Monday, May 13, 2013

"What do the children say?"

"What do the children say?" - Robert Oscar Lopez via Mercatornet

I support same-sex civil unions and foster care, but I have always resisted the idea that government should encourage same-sex couples to imagine that their partnerships are indistinguishable from actual marriages. Such a self-definition for gays would be based on a lie, and anything based on a lie will backfire.

The richest and most successful same-sex couple still cannot provide a child something that the poorest and most struggling spouses can provide: a mom and a dad. Having spent forty years immersed in the gay community, I have seen how that reality triggers anger and vicious recrimination from same-sex couples, who are often tempted to bad-mouth so-called “dysfunctional” or “trashy” straight couples in order to say, “We deserve to have kids more than they do!”

But I am here to say no, having a mom and a dad is a precious value in its own right and not something that can be overridden, even if a gay couple has lots of money, can send a kid to the best schools, and raises the kid to be an Eagle Scout.

It’s disturbingly classist and elitist for gay men to think they can love their children unreservedly after treating their surrogate mother like an incubator, or for lesbians to think they can love their children unconditionally after treating their sperm-donor father like a tube of toothpaste.

This is where the degree of law and reasoning could come to an agreement. In Lowell, there are no rich benefactors for children. Well, there is. It is call the Commonwealth of Massachusetts Money can only go so far for these children. At Department of Children & Families, we have 'million dollar babies', in which the tax payer pays out for the needs of children without families. They need these services, but they wouldn't need these services if their parents had the ability to parent.

I also would like to point out Lopez's different between foster care and 'third party procreation', which commercializes the child for family creation, rather then helping a child who loss his/her family. In foster care, the focus is on the child's needs and not on the adult's rights. Biological parents and their rights are protected. If terminated, it is done through a legal process and with notice.Services, when appropriate, are always offered before the termination process.

In Massachusetts same-sex couples/single people can foster, the Department places what will be the best fit for child and family. Foster parents, unlike couples who are trying to prove their parenting abilities, will admit when they need help. In fact, as a biological mother married to the biological father of my children, I even need to ask for help! So when a female same-sex couple raises a male young teenager in foster care, states the child needs a male role model. Guess what? No one is offended. The foster parents are not admitting defeat in their same-sex parenting, they are acknowledging the child's needs over their pride and that is what parenting is all about.

1 comment:

  1. Another great post. Thanks for finding this and sharing it with us.