Monday, April 8, 2013

Marriage from a child's point of view

This post was originally posted on my original blog "Up On Christian Hill" on February 14, 2007.Six years have passed, marriage in our present day has no interest in a child being raised and protected by both of her parents, something any person once understood, but now it is simply a legal contract between two consenting adults.

Renee Aste, Lowell Massachusetts

Marriage from a child's point of view

I’ve been reflecting not only on my own marriage, but the others I know of especially my parents. Don’t worry I won’t say anything bad. It is a pet peeve of mine when people complain about their parent’s online. I find it tacky and disrespectful.

It isn’t that my parent’s marriage was picture perfect. We all have our problems and life is imperfect, it how my parent’s marriage helped me with my own life. Ten/Fifteen years ago marriage was something that wasn’t talk about in terms of themselves in high school and college. As mentioned before we only talked about how to protect ourselves from AIDS and to enjoy ourselves, when it came to sexual behavior.

Educators told us not to worry about marriage, because education and career were much more important. Schools can list how many people graduated, who went to college, and how high of an income their graduates earn since that is there main objective. They don’t list who married or who is a parent, but they don’t list who is STD free either even though they teach the importance of not getting an STD or having kids ruin your life.

While in high school and college, my peers always talked about their parents and their relationship with each other. Even though it was never considered a factor in success and happiness, we talked about gender, incomes, and race, even sexual orientation but never how marriage affected society in formal terms. Informally though I could tell you the lives of dozens of parents, because we spoke so much of them.

We talked about how well they got along with each other, if they fought, if they were divorced, remarried, abandoned us, and even if they smoked pot. Parents were important to us, even though educators, marketers, and counter sub-cultures wanted us to ignore what they represented to us. Back while a sophomore in college something changed in my view of social policy and family.

I always considered myself a democrat. Women were just democrats, my parents were democrats. I never was vocal about the matter life and conscience issues, I was silent I always avoided such topics and focused on writing about foreign policy and trends in political campaigning. A republican was the guy in school, who didn’t own a pair of jeans and over dressed for every occasion to only impress himself.

It was a professor who was damning capitalism and the government at the pulpit every day of class, who incidentally refuse to drive a car on principle always blamed every –ism possible changed me. Very deep I know, but looking around me the problem wasn’t an -ism. Of course many –isms exist, but the main component whether someone was able to succeed not in an overachieving sense, but do very well from themselves was that they came from a stable home.

A stable home in which there was no chaos and uncertainty. A home in which life was predictable day in and day out, it was one less thing to worry about so you could focus on your studies. I didn’t understand the value of the family, so at 19 my arguments were not great. In fact being a self-describe democrat I was attacked not because I was white, from the suburbs, or that my parents could afford to send my to a third tier public university (well I was kindaof ), it really was because I was created from husband and a wife in which my father and mother indeed loved each other and understood the obligation of marriage.

That semester I decided not to go back to that university. I remember calling up my father and telling him such news, but not to worry that I would finish up my classes in the remaining weeks. Something changed. I definitely started to become more religious, more conservative, and more family orietated. I should note, I just started dating my husband and even my peers knew something was different.

So when people say the definition of marriage hasn’t affected anyone and never will. The reality is marriage has affected everyone, because everyone has a mother and a father and that relationship between their mother and father is the number one factor upon their survival and well being.I will be the first to attest my parent’s intact marriage affected me in more good ways then bad. Marriage is very important, it wasn’t the public status or legal benefit that protected me it was my parents who were the true protectors.

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