Monday, September 18, 2017

Bread Crumbing is a Sin.

*parenting rant*

What I hate about both comprehensive and abstinence programs is the focus on the physical and not the emotional aspects of sexuality. Even when we talk about the emotional wounds of sexuality, it always in terms of regret of a physical sex act. How about more talk about not messing with each other's feelings in the name of chastity.

This misleads young adults about what is and isn't sexual sin.

It's not OK to play social media footsie, and think you're being chaste and all because you are not physical with someone. It's not OK even if the social media footsie is done in a modest way, it's still bread crumbing and playing with someone's emotions.

I am actually OK with teenagers dating, I think it's important in high school to date*. I rather help them navigate through dimwitted mistakes. If not our parents, then our grandparents who did fine dating/marrying at a relatively young age compared to secular society's standards.

Do not make excuses about school, sports, work, family, friends or God that you have no time, when you have plenty of time on social media to converse back and forth privately and worry about a response.

Dating itself doesn't really take that much time, but having someone play with your emotions does consume a lot of time and mental space.

*I understand dating is dead, but I am going to try to help navigate where ever I can for my kids. And realize the most of a healthy aspect of a romantic relationship is communication if it is to survive.

Other thoughts from a few years ago.

Adults Stop Chanting "Wait for Marriage" to Teenagers

Explaining STDs to a 13 year old

Thursday, August 10, 2017

Hey Google!

I can assume you guys haven't been a fan of my blog all these years.

Men are women are complementary by nature, meaning that man and woman are indeed different but neither one is inferior or superior to the other.

Try getting rid all those strange extras at the workplace, reduce commutes, and while not every position can be offered as a part-time position, part-time positions relative to a person's profession are great for parents of young children, individuals still in school, or even 'gasp' retirees.

Thanks for hosting my blogs well over a decade.

Saturday, June 17, 2017

Intolerant Lowell

I don't spend too much time reading up on a local Facebook page devoted to Lowell politics. In fact I unfollowed the page, but stayed a member in case I wanted to check in.

I saw this.

Every year during the weekday in late June, Jehovah's Witnesses  have their convention here in Lowell. That's all. They rent out the place, dress up, and worship together at the Tsongas Arena.

Enough people called him out on his complete lack disrespect for other people.

We keep talking about diversity, but I pretty much well aware I how people really do not like me.

I have a few people (mutual acquaintances, of mutual friends) on Facebook that have completely blocked me.*** I never had an argument with them, and in fact one has a lot in common with me as a fellow alum of the political science department at UMass Lowell. Another is a well know local DJ from Boston radio, who has settled into Lowell and is engaged in cultural affairs.

Again I never had an argument with these individuals.

As seen the posting went on for 171 comments.

***It's Facebook, and people can tailor it as they choose. I'm not crying over it, just making the observation how handle their information.

Just saying people really aren't that tolerant.

They want to eat your food and watch you dance and sing, but they really think nothing of you and what you value.

Also they can't figure our how Trump one, either.

I think I need to travel the country, places have their pros and cons. But between this and Lowell High School out of downtown and to an office park/strip mall at the edge of the city along the highway, maybe it's not worth being around.

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Why I don't blog and should stop social media as well.

I would like to blog, but I can't. The issue is mainly about privacy of others. I wish I could talk more about what I have done at Department of Children and Families, but obviously I can't. I wish I could talk about experiences with friends and acquaintances, but I don't think they would like that. I wish I could even speak about my children's lives. Good and bad.

I have no regrets in review of the blogging experience.

My social media experience unfortunately isn't that great. People divided, even today I was unfriended by a long time acquaintance for stating that I thought her teenage son's choice was 'frustrating' to teenagers who wouldn't have such an opportunity. Why, Because I get irritated when my own children waste/pass up opportunities and blessings the have.

It came with a strange response. The individual was defending her teenage son for his choice, even stating she was in fact proud of his non-conformity. I was a taken back, I was expecting "Yeah, I know he should be grateful, but he chose not to go. His lost. Wait until he's on his own and we won't be taking him on vacation anymore."

Back story the teenager decided to stay in the hotel room, when he had the Florida coastline outside his door. The family was from up north, where it is too cold to swim for 9 months of the year. They take these types of vacations at least once a year.

My children get a lot in their own way, but Florida vacations isn't one of them. Due to lifestyle choices, this just isn't going to happen. I knew if they ever overheard a classmate come back to Florida and mentioned that he wanted to just be in the hotel. Their response wouldn't be so kind as mine. Seriously, my older kids would probably drop a few words of profanity lecturing him on his privilege.

I wanted to review the conversation to make sure I wasn't misreading anything, only to find out I was unfriended.

I guess I hit a nerve, and there was something there I didn't see or know.

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Excuse me I step into a big hot mess.

I have zero tolerance for child abuse/child sexual abuse. I also have zero tolerance for people who try attack of victim of child sexual abuse, and that well includes Milo Yiannopoulos.

Is Milo Yannopoulos a jerk? Sure. Is he a troll. Yes. 

But to use the fact he was a victim of sexual abuse as a way 'to take him down' is well nasty.

"But let’s be crystal clear, because I suspect even my readers are divided on this issue: you have done or said something that can be used to assassinate your character.Again, for clarity: you have said things that the press could assassinate your character with. I guarantee it. Every single person reading this right now has said something which the press could twist into a knife and plunge into your gut. All of you.

I feel like when I want to comment, it is the most crappiest of situations. Do I just go with the flow, and let the troll get socially assassinate in an unfair manner, or do you say 'hey, wait a moment' this isn't right even if you hate the guy. 

I guess I am a bit taken back and horrified, how we learned nothing over the past decade about adults affected by sexual abuse deal with the situation and process it. It's easy to simply disassociate yourself from the situation, but it doesn't solve anything. For the cycle to be broken, it will have to be well ugly. It's creepy that people are with such 'glee' that he was abused as a young teen.

How about this outraged public with pitchforks... how about this... stop... take a breath... and treat Milo like a human being if you think you are so much better than him. "Hey Milo, that's not a healthy response to handling the situation that happened when you were a young teen. You need to get help, because what happened was wrong and we don't want to think what happened to you was even justified." 

Pardon me, I am going to be sick. And I am pissed.

Again I have zero tolerance for sexual child abuse, so to see people 'glee' and 'joy' makes me ill. 

What child past sexual abuse is OK if you hate someone's f*cking guts? Is this the moral standard?

Think about it.

Thursday, February 9, 2017

Umm.. Whatever.. Why I still care about the family

Copy and pasted from a comment I made on Facebook, on the question why I still care. 

People are still having kids, and those kids have a mom and dad. And parents need our support. 
If your boots are on the ground, it’s easier stay committed and even respected by others. 

When gay marriage became legal in Massachusetts, I wasn’t alarmed at all. Seriously, that didn’t alarm me. Knowing a bit of the law, I took it more with a sense of humor and joked with others, “You know you can marry your cousin in Massachusetts.”
Now this is what alarmed me, a lot. The propaganda to silence dissent. It’s creepy and strange, in fact bizarre how everything has become over the past 15 years. I thought I was liberal, in fact maybe I was or still am. Most people were understandable of the potential legal benefits/protections, for relationships that didn’t fall in the older defined view of marriage. I am still this day, and I think most people who even disagree with gay marriage (or just marriage, or maybe nothing because nothing because only the affluent enough to afford a 50k wedding get married) are. But we don’t speak up. It’s an odd fear, that I still have to this day. I have a pit in my stomach, how I will upset people with this response. 
I keep reviewing my point of view, questioning myself. I still hold as a matter of public policy and meaning, that we should treat different types of relationships as different, because they are different. Difference and different needs are OK to acknowledge. One moment I am being preached the importance of diversity, and then I am being lectured that there are no differences in relationships in the name of equality. 
That’s my response I guess now a days. I am not trying to be flippant. I didn’t fall for it back, then and now I guess I go to my grave in the most charitable way, explaining that individuals have a mom and dad, the relationship between a mom and dad matters for an individual’s well-being. 
Remind you back in 2000 in Massachusetts I had to take a blood test for prenatal conditions BEFORE I could get my marriage license. That’s right in Massachusetts. Yet, I was being told in propaganda children had nothing to do with marriage, despite the assumption of paternity of my husband being the father according to state law. The law and precedence was there, even in Massachusetts. Amazingly the lobby erased that. It’s all about money, but what isn’t. 
But it was easy for the lobby, because we already allowed third party sperm donation in this state. Legally with no recourse, a man who was NOT the father could be on the child’s birth certificate and no one could challenge it. This is unlike a married woman have a child with a man who was NOT the husband, the biological father had standing. This is unlike an adoption, in which there is an original birth certificate. But this was before easy access to DNA testing, no secrets now. The law or the propaganda wants us to be silent on, and the best technique was shame. Shame. Shame! Shame!! Shame!!!
Ummm… Whatever… 

As of now, so many of my friends and acquaintances are separating/divorcing with kids. I am just trying to hold it together and walk with it. 
In the meantime on the public policy front, and fatherhood programs/nurturing parenting programs are much needed. What I am seeing in DCF is parents who love their kids, but don’t know how to parent. I think we need foster parents for the parents.


Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Beyond Cultural Liberalism

Back in the day, when we use to talk about gay marriage. Wait I brought that up. I remember an article, possible from CNN that wanted to talk about the other 97%. If 3% of Americans are gay, we can't forget that 97% are not. Public policy and the laws and regulations we create as a society also affect the 97% of people who are not gay.

And what about the 100% who are children or were children, didn't our kinship relationships or lack of affect us?

Over a year ago everyone was one the right side of history in the name of equality and rainbow customized Facebook profiles. Here we are with President-elect Trump and elected officials with (R) beside their names. I'm not sure what to think of him or how this Congress will do things, and I didn't vote for him or Hillary Clinton. (I voted for Jill Stein) I do know that Cultural Liberalism was a cancer, it ate up everything I once liked about the Democratic Party when I was younger. The DNC became the ultimate mean and nasty Queen Bee at the cafeteria lunch table.

Now over a decade I've been online using my real name Renee Aste online whether it be blogs, Facebook, or social media. I've been called a lot of bad and untruthful things. And I can admit it didn't feel good, it was hard to think what would people think if someone Google'd me.

Whatever call it or not call it or have no name for it.... public policy and the ability to keep children with their mother and father in a united and stable situation matters. As I tell my children, even gay kids have a mom and dad. For many still I will always be thought of hateful uneducated person, to mock and sneer at for personal fulfillment. I think I have done an OK job over the past day retaining and defending my views, despite just being who I am.

I can't wrap it up in a snarky meme to put anyone to shame. Because that's not the goal. Our families are fragile. Over the past decade people who actually care about the family, have been scapegoated as homophobic and shamed into silence. I keep trying not to be distracted and deal with the problem within my own community at a face to face level. I've volunteered at the Department of Children and Families. I've written detailed experiences to elected officials. I try my best within my own marriage, despite no guarantee it seems anyone will remain married in a healthy relationship. I've seen too many divorces hitting close and closer in my personal social circle.

I hope this can work itself out.